Life is a test.. a test of will, a test of strength, a test of love.
Nothing comes without effort.. Nothing is perfect, nothing is permanent..
I'm going to hang in there, best I can..
I love him. I love him more than anything.
Maybe that's why it hurts so much. Because when he hurts, I hurt, and I can't let myself let him feel the way he does about himself.. Yet just saying, hurts him.. So I have to fight both him and myself..
And I don't know what to do....

"all I want, all I want is to hold you.... instead I hold my breath.." (smitten, bree sharp)

"I’m standing in the push and shove
And I’m just within the rescue
Of the labour of your love
I can’t do anything but fall
A-fall, a-fall-fall-fall
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I’m the only survivor?
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?

One chance, one shot
That’s all anybody ever got
Newborn still warm
Naked in the rush hour
Dancing in my gutter
And if you want to find me
Call me, I’ll be far from
The cars and guitars and
Everybody
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I’m the only survivor?
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?

And I never knew before
But I feel like a child in a cold, cold war
So strong, so tough
Sitting in suburbia, waiting for the wind up
And I don’t want to dance
I just want to jump from the prison of circumstance
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I’m the only survivor?
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?"
(labour of love, frente)

"And you know.. That I dream of your love all around me. And you know, that my love for you is extraordinary.. And it seems, that all I want is to make you happy.... And I know, that all I need is to have you near me.." (Apiary, Yum Yum)

"Starry night.. I remember the wind blew right through me.. You looked into my eyes, and said you saw my soul. Paradise.. Is only sixteen miles away from you.. When you make up your mind, let me know because I'm ready to go.. Because I've lost control of this train- I was thinking.. Because I don't know where to go... But if the wheel of chance spun in my direction.. Well then I'd think I'd know." (Train of Thought, Yum Yum)

"Tears in your eyes, and you eyes looks so tired, and the tension is raising, higher and higher. And fear in your words, and your thoughts are conspired, to tear it apart, and watch it all fall down... Not wanting to hold you down.. just wanting to hold you now.. Not wanting to hold you down.. Just wanting to hold you now.... " (Uneasy, Yum Yum)

When I can't explain with my own words, I use someone else's.

I want to make you happy.. I want to work on it, but I don't want you to suffer through it. I don't want you to feel terrible about yourself and like you're a pain, I don't want you to get upset with me.. I just want us to be happy and be able to talk about your feelings without emotions overflowing and you fighting with me.. *sigh*...
I just wish I knew how..