Malicious Shadow.

Why you still read this is beyond me, Malicious.
What-ever-I-dont'-care-anymore.
Of course I mourn for the stupidity of us both, you for not being more clear and heeding at the beginning to my plea of, never, ever, let me love you when you know it's not gunna go anywhere. I told you the first day, I told you clearly and you knew this. And it was far too long.
Don't tell me you'll hold my hand, don't tell me that you think I'm pretty, don't throw your words away on just another passing face whom you cared for but never meant to truly become close to nor stay with. Don't sneak kisses don't tell me how we'd watch stars, I can't believe you did that when it was truly nothing.
As I said, I am a stepping stone of your life, and you were lying to deny such.
Do you think it always works like magic, to go to the other one you talk to and suddenly you're in love? I got lucky. You were just looking to shove me away and I didn't understand. Sweet words go sour when you don't follow through. Promises go dry as they expire.

Wess was odd, a sense of humor that took some adjusting (profanity sarcasm and sex), as I wasn't used to such. He wasn't single and I wasn't even considering ever being with him. Until I found he meant more to me than I knew. I had no idea. It was chance fate and luck. I believe that things along the way lead me to where I am now. I do thank you for the fun times we had, but I wish it hadn't been so sour. I thank everyone who hurt me, everyone who broke me, because I learn from them how to cope, I learn how to deal, I learn what I did wrong and I never do it again. And if you hadn't been hurting me I wouldn't have asked for help and I wouldn't have spoken to Wess as much as I did.

This is not a good night for me, boy. I'm remembering who hurt me and all that hurt me. I'm remembering abuse and I'm remembering pain and crying and every night I wanted to die. I'm remembering wanting so bad to not be alone that I wanted to die so when I watched from above I'd see them cry over me, so I'd know they care. I remember saying, I would lose my legs if only someone cared enough to stay with me always and help me. There was no one ever. I was alone and I was lonely and no one spent any time with me.
I'm from a childhood of love but only from my family. You allowed me to attach to you, that was a mistake... But I don't blame you as you didn't seem to know better, that I can't listen, I can't leave, because I need to not be alone.

I'm sad but I have people to help me, now.. And I don't have to wonder when they're coming home and if they really care and why they don't tell me and why can't they say I love you and will they be hurt and why won't he ever return hugs.
You didn't love me, so I wish you would've been a true friend and blocked me and stayed away from me, so you wouldn't hurt me. You acted like you loved me, I hate that. That wasn't right.

You still haunt me because I saw what you wrote, which means you plague my mind still. I guess it's an unbroken habit.. I can never ignore those who were around for so long. I still look at every single damned thing, every poem you don't write and every drawing he does and what he writes and if he's bitching about his girlfriend (whom appears isn't his girlfriend) and if you're okay, or if you show any sign of life. I still care. And that sucks. I care but I do not like you. You were nice but you're fucking retarded and I can't believe you. Writing romantic shit and acting like I meant something, Jesus Christ child, You have a girl you love, would you stop cheating on her? Stay the fuck away from those other girls you brat.

You can at least learn from mistakes. I hope you do.
Live on and live happily. I'm unhappy now but I'll be okay. This is just another sleepless night where everyone hurts me at once and I wanna cry. Night screws with your mind and you feel like everything is against you and you feel like the things that went wrong are overwhelming...
I hate you but I don't. I hate what you did. You shouldn't have done that, Zandry. You really shouldn't have. That was bad. You have no reason to be stealing hearts and talking everyday to girls whom you have no interest in being with. What else would I think.. When you do that.... You refuse to tell me the truth and lead me on, believing you're not hurting me when really you're just hurting me more, putting it off for the future when it all piles up.

I liked you a lot, but I will never ever ever speak to you again. You, I cannot, accept as a friend. You are forgiven, but you will never be a part of my life again. You will never hear a word directly and you will be a memory of mine. Another naive hope in my diary. And there you stay.
Make up for what you did, be with her and make her happy, make someone happy and never betray. Please say you can at least do that for people you love.