Ten Minutes

Ten minutes to say what's happening.

I feel sick inside, at every look at his page and every thought in my head saying, he's not mine, never will be, can't, ever. I feel sick missing him and sick seeing his picture. Makes me want to cry thinking of sending pictures back and forth, and how he was always eager to get one.

My mom could tell I was really down and I was pretending to do my homework while telling Weston my woes. She got me to say bye and got me to spill what was wrong. I was relieved that she understood..

My hands are freezing.. And my fingers ache of strumming the same song over and over.

Rebecca.. Stop. It hurts.

Weston can relate to that. "So you're not the only one who gets crazy thoughts like that huh.." "I freak out easily! Just her saying that makes me feel sick and upset, just because I want her to.. stay away, I don't know" "Yeah, the whole 'he/she is who I love! he/she is just another part of your life, go away!'" "Hehe, yeah.."

I feel like I'll be forgotten, replaced. I feel like he doesn't love me and never will. Which is why I'm sad now. I wasn't there when he needed me.. I wasn't born there, I wasn't put into his path.. Does that mean I should have no chance.. I wasn't given a chance.. I find the person I love and the only reason why I can't be with him is because I wasn't there when he needed help most... Why. Why couldn't it have been me? I always ask that.

My mom told me, love is a stupid word. Because there are too many forms of love, and everyone has a different definition. There's the love for family, the love for friends, the love of lovers, the love of couples, the love of cheaters, the love of lust, the love of reliance, the love of attachment. There are too many. So what is real love..?
She says, give everything time. Keep your eyes open as always. But then again, remember that things change with time.