To Move On

... Is hard. AS F-CK!
Sorry, I'm saying that too much. XD
*coughs*

Anyway....
I've got my black ribbon. More like a black shoelace looking thing, but it's not. Similar. Therefore comfortable. Soft cotton tied around my left arm, about four inches above my elbow. Tied in a sloppy bow.
Symbolizes that I'm hurting. Whether I'm smiling, laughing, or having a good time. It symbolizes, still healing, still brooding, still in need of support.

Hell knows for how long.
But it'll be there.

Until, I can look at him without feeling like I missed something that would have been the happiest of my life.
Yeah, I think it would have been. But oh well, that's a what if right there. A what if that didn't happen.
Until I can look without feeling slightly sick, upon poems and things to do with him.
It's going to take a long time........ For sure.
I'll probably keep this on until then.

And tonight, I'm starting that burn journal. With every lingering thought and depression that plagues me, it will go into it. And then, I burn it.
---

Oops. I'm going against a rule. To not listen to sad songs.


I'm missing your bed,
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.
I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
You're not alone and you're not discreet.
You make sure I know who's taking you home.
I'm reading your note over again,
There's not a word that I comprehend,
except when you signed it:
"I'll love you always and forever"
Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder,
how you're making out.
But as for me I wish that I was anywhere...
With anyone...
making out.
I'm missing your laugh,
how did it break?
And when did your eyes
begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as your pretending
I'm cuddling close to blanket and sheets
I am alone in my defeat
I wish I knew you were safely at home
I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak.
And this bottle of Beast is taking me home.
Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder...
how you're making out.
But as for me I wish that I was anywhere...
With anyone...
making out
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.

-Dashboard Confessional

Time for me to sleep. Because they're getting pissed at me.