Stretch. Plan. Yawn.

I plan to make another stupid move on my chessboard of a life.
I don't know how to play chess.
Which is my point exactly.

I'm going to give the shy guy who appears to have a crush on me a note sometime. Because, it drives me crazy. And I'm lonely as FUCK and I need distraction or at least something that doesn't scream "I'm ALONE and there's NOTHING I can do about it!"
I need thrill of taking a risk, to make it hurt less.

A risk with less consequences.

Only bad thing is if I'm wrong. And if I am, I have the excuse of that I knew him, or, remember him slightly.

If you ask me...... He's already got a few plusses in my book. First of all, from what I've seen, he does NOT seem loud. And he looks at the ground, I noticed, whenever I'm around. Shyyyyyy. That's a goooood thing. Also he doesn't have that retarded gangster style, and I see nothing wrong with him yet. He's not even ugly, haha. But he is a year younger, which is odd. But yeah.
Oh god, now I feel fucking desperate. *laughter* No, I'm not doing it out of desperation.. Well.. wait... Um....
I've had a fascination with anyone who was interested in me, because there are three that have ever been in my life that I've noticed. Not counting the idiots who look at you when you're wearing a skirt outside.
So, I figure, I may as well at least increase the number of guys I know, and meet some guys who live in the same area, for god's sake. I don't know one guy who lives around here, except the dude in my weight training class, also a freshman, who helps me out when I'm absent n stuff.

I just feel kinda like 'oh hell, I'm going to do it' now. Now that I'm lonely and stuff, I figure I may as well to get my mind off it.

When I had a crush on people years ago, the best thing in the world would have been for them to notice me. So that's why if anyone ever likes me, I have an extreme temptation to do something really nice to them, because I know how wonderful it feels. And not in my wildest dreams can I figure out how the hell someone could like me. I have sooo many issues and things that just would piss someone off. And I'm not that pretty. Seriously. I just don't have the things that guys like. Well, I don't have the things that the average asshole likes. Boobs, long hair, well-fitting clothes, and the general femininity.
I'm sure some guys don't like that. But even so, I'm just another face. I don't have any features that really make me pop out.
--

I like trying to catch his eye because it makes me laugh inside. And these days I don't laugh nor smile much.

I remember in elementary school he was kinda annoying, and he likes science too much, was hyper. Haha. But from what I can see, he's 5x more shy and grew up a bit. :P

So what I'm planning is to give him a dumb little note with my email. Corny, I know, but god. I'm not one to talk. And it's not like he's anywhere but the halls, and hell freezes over when he'll try to talk to me.

And who knows. I could be crazy and be imagining it all. So I'd like to find out.

I remember, I really regretted the last time I did this, haha. Oh well. That was me being dumb writing admirer notes to strangers. So I guess it won't be too bad. Um.. I hope.


Hahah, I'm so dumb. Ya. See ya.