It's a big headache that continues to stay. It's a roadblock in my life that wants me to go away. It's a dead end street but I can't turn around. It's a love that won't work but wants to be found. It's a joy in my dreams but a nightmare when I wake. It's a risk I want to hold and wish I could take. I don't give a fuck and I know what's at stake. It's a crumbled sanctuary. And here inside my aviary.. You look for a key.

Yeah, that's me

Beneath farthest shadows. Past the gutter and the gallows. A treat to the eyes? Unable to see.
I'm once again here. Can't find the key.
Once it was shattered,
this time it's gone
unavailable choice
not once again found
She'd be somewhere more
she'd find what she's for
but her eyes let her see
nothing more
than the door
That has no lock
and can't stop
----------

What more to say? I just want to stay. To sulk or to cry, it's hard to say. Feeding off denial, but none can be found? Looking for a laugh that will keep me on ground. My hands are cold but face warm, if to bed, I'd toss and turn. So what more can I do, but keep these eyes open. Try to think of an impossible solution. Or maybe another lie. Another daydream. Anything. Waiting for something to change, because I can't think straight. Pretending I know what to say, but it's just fake. There are so many roads, but which should I take...
I could go forward, and never look behind
I could stop and look to see what I find
I could turn around, and beg and plead
I could pretend it's a lie, but inside I'd bleed
I could look at you and smile at the times we had
I could laugh with you, and say that I'm glad
I could look for you, just in another face
I could try to forget, and slowly erase
I could never let go, kicking and screaming
I could cry every day, for the lies I'd been leading
I could tear your life apart with the ways I wish it'd be
I could try to tell you what you couldn't see
I could act like I would be the right one to choose
I could pretend you don't love her, and make myself confused
I could know you were gone and wish you away
I could stop talking tomorrow
and then plead you to stay

And how do I know... When all scream out. This way or the other, is there just one route..
I could follow my heart.. Or I could listen to this brain. In all the sappy movies, the heart is far for strain.
One way or the other.. But how can I not blunder.. Of a choice of educated guess. And never trust, for I can't test, this judgement that always fails me.
God, someone come derail me. From a way I don't want to go. Or a way I want to that will never cease to hurt. If only one way would work.

But did you not say, from your very lips.. That it won't work, yeah, couldn't be missed..
So I wonder what holds me back. Love is my trap. But maybe doubt keeps me clear, going the way I just fear... would never work. Forever hurt, forever yours. What could cut off more than words?





"she thinks she's a car heading towards its own wreck" -Frente