I'm fucking sick of life. And this.. Everything. I'm sick of life. I hate it. I hate these feelings and it sucks. I hate being alone, I hate being lonely, I hate finding what I want and losing everything I need.
WHY do I have to LOSE everything?
WHY ME?
WHY NOT SOMEONE ELSE?
Why does it have to be ME who loses? Why can't it be someone else? Why does it have to be me? Why can't my life be balanced between happiness and pain? Why ALL PAIN? Why does everyone fall in love, why does everyone get what they want? WHY is it easy for them? Why do they find someone perfect and nice to be with them always? Why can't I? Why can't I? Why can't I?
Why can't someone love me?
Why can't you? Why can't someone? Why can't anyone? Am I that terrible?
Why do I have to be second best to the only one who ever loved me or cared about me in the least? Why does it always end up this way? Why do am I good, but NOT GOOD ENOUGH?
Why is it never enough? Why do I try to be kind to everyone I meet, why do I offer a shoulder to cry on, why do I do nice things, why do I do it all, when no one gives a fuck about whether I live or die?
Why don't they?
Why can't they?
And when they do, why can't they stay?
WHY?
WHY THE FUCK?
I want to die and I want it all to be GONE. I want you to all go away. I want to be happy. I want to be happy. I want to just be happy. I want you to stop FUCKING with me. I want you to stop hurting me. I want everyone I love to stop hurting me. I want to stop hurting.
SO STOP.
And go away. And I don't want.. My past.. To exist.
I want you to have never been there. I want to be naive of all the wonderful things that could've worked out, if only. I want to not know that the only thing I wanted was there and now gone.
I want.. Anyone, anything, to stay. .. Just stay. Stay and pick me. When in doubt, pick me. Pick me. Pick me. Pick me. Pick me. ... .. crying.
Pick me... Why doesn't anyone?
There's Iris. There's Harmony. It's after school, and we're playing volleyball. They're standing there. They tell us to pair up.. And they choose each other. .. I have to be on my own. They're both great friends of mine.
I'm walking to the locker room. I feel something hit my head hard, and I nearly fall over. A volleyball slams into the back of my head. I take a few steps, shocked and surprise, and the girl it came from covers her mouth in horror, saying many apologies. I laugh and say it's okay, rubbing my head.. Walking to the locker room, it really hurts. My head still buzzes faintly from it. But I had nearly apologized for being in the way and getting hit.
.. So, can someone tell me. What exactly have I done in life.. to deserve all I feel now and each day...
3 comments:
you know what ?!
I always felt that what I go through and the feelings I have are only felt by me , looks liek I found someone who feels EXACTLY like me . I will soon have my own blog and when I do , we can exchange emails and stuff .
You seem so familiar , because of having so much in common with me!!.
I too like to write poems to express my feelings of lonliness and other stuff.
Wow, that's interesting. Do indeed do that, as I'm bored and could use more people to talk to (though recently I'm being buried by support, because I started a forum and it was crazy.. o__o)
No disappearing into the crowd! I have no idea who you are. =P Email me or something, my email's listed.
Well my website or lets say blog is
www.moi.beeplog.com
It's SO new ! , so don't expect it to be full and interesting like yours ... ;) , but it's certainly on it's way to "blooming" or blossoming into something GOOD!
So check it out.
Will try to send you an email.
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