From Myspace

Today was cinderella day at school. I took the opertunity to overdue it as much as I could. I can't believe some people said I looked pretty. I was wearing a bright pink dress, a wig, and I was caked in makeup. Please don't say I look pretty when I'm trying to look ugly. Almost an insult, if you think about it. But I guess I can forgive, because it was kinda neat.. In a creepy way. Just so overdone it looked cool. My dress was so horrifyingly pink.... Pink from the depths of hell. Cupcake land. Haha. Never in my life had I been so caked in makeup and crap. Globs of mascara, powder, eyeshadow, plus lipstick.. Horrifying. Never again. Not until Halloween at least, when I'll be coating my entire body in pale pale-ness... I'm being Yorda from the video game Ico. My little brother is being Ico (the boy with horns). He's going to tug me along when we trick-or-treat just like in the game, haha, that'll be funny. :) Just thinking about it makes me smile.

I never wear makeup. Never ever. Lipstick makes my lips feel crappy and dry up, and it smears and tastes icky. Shine just makes them slippery and it's kinda gross. Eyeliner makes it so you can't touch your eyes, and powder makes your body feel so so stuffy, like your trapped in a mask. It's grooosss... I don't know why girls wear so much of it. It's such crap. It's not like any nice guys will go for you wearing makeup anyway. If they like you for how you look only unnaturally, then would they really be such a good person? I don't think so. Makeup is a life sentence. I hate it. So, no. No makeup. Not unless I'm trying to look whacky, but when I'm using it to try to look pretty.. Well, I'm either severely depressed or really bored.

So if you see me wearing makeup, you can assume there's something wrong in my life, and that I need a hug.

*licks lips* God am I glad to have it all off! The wig, the makeup, those annoying puffy sleeves! To hell with them!

Never had a shower felt so good in my life! Just it alllll comes off, your hair goes clean and your face is again toucable and fresh. I love that feeling. Makeup is only good because of the lovely feeling you get when you take it off.

I'm hungry, it makes me moody. But I've been good, besides the freaking out over deleting my entry earlier.

I wish I wasn't so intent on finding someone to be there for me. I wish I could just be independant and not have that 'you know you want a cuddle' nagging the back of my mind saying how I'm alone and it would be so much fun not to be. Lol, I feel so retarded.
It's like.. My life point is love. So it sucks that I'm all like.... Looking for it as I'm still young. It just leads to heartbreak, which is the WORST thing in the world. The most emotionally snapping thing I've ever felt. I've had 1.5 heartbreaks now. .5 because, it hasn't sunk in, and I'm an idiot and still like him, even though he's miles away and he doesn't love me. So yeah! Lovely crap I get myself into!

If I was content, I'd be happy. But I'm not content. I'm a f*cking hopeless romantic, I hate it!! It's evil evil evil! It's like always feeling gloomy because you're alone and always wanting a hug and wanting someone, anyone, to just care. It's the most naggy thing. I've been this way since I was a child.... I have a tape to prove it.

At age four I was singing "Soomeday my prince will come.." and all that jazz. *laughs* It was funny to hear the slurr in my child voice. My brother only found more to tease me with, seeing that video.
Stupid fairy tales. Stupid Disney. I blame them. The whole romance and prince and all that stuff, I shouldn't have let it influence me. Bad bad bad. Anyway.. Yeah.

My request is still all I really want, and it drives me nuts. Maybe I'm just hungry, yeah.. I get weird when I'm hungry. All over-emotional. Anyway, see ya.

-Loser