Uncertainty

Unsure. Uncertain. It bothers me. But, joy of it. You only know what they decide to tell you. Until it's too late. Put your eggs all in one basket, and how well the basket holds is something you should know. If it has holes in the bottom, especially. You could lose it all before you realize it. And I have a bad habit, of having all my eggs in one basket. Because I only found one basket.
First hurts the worst, second is the best. Is such true with love?
Tired, I guess that's why I'm fretting. Compare myself to everyone else, and I lose any hope I have for being liked. I have my good, but I have a lot of bad. You have to really like me to be able to ignore all the things that bother me and all the things that I'll bother you with.
Yeah. You're gone. It's a matter of time. I know.. because.. When it's too good to be true, it's usually not true. And when I get wrapped up in these silly ideas, they fail. So I know it'll end. Because I was so convinced, last time. Just like this.

Time tells. So I'll let the days pass by, I'll let the school year go and let myself waste away in my daydreams of a pair of arms, and I'll let it tell me, what my fate will be. Things happen for a reason, it seems. If fate wishes to say, you're an idiot, give up, you're happier some other way, it sure as hell shall. It did. It was right. Though the process was quite infectiously painful. Days went to gloom and I was unhappy as I could be. Nights were long, thoughts were painful, tears were always close at hand. My poetry, it stretched out and loomed to reflect my rained down thoughts and doubts and denials. I don't want it, again. So I must brace myself. Which is why, I dislike being unsure. Because it leaves me with hope.
It.. just.. won't work. I know it. Fairy tale endings, lies. I want someone to tell me it will work... I really do. I want it to work. But it never does. I'm not worth waiting so long for, and I'm not worth spending that much for.
'Love grows with absence' it can be true, but hell if I know.

"I don't care! I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts! Don't tell me, I already know. I know how stupid I am to do this, and I know how unlikely.. I don't care."
I said that. Yet it hurt a lot when you realize that what you know, is really true.

Fate was on my side, though it hurt a lot. I'm hoping I won't have to deal with another 'you're wrong' stage, where I have to battle denial and kill off my dislike for myself and deal with things in a lonely mind and heart. Lonely is.. The worst. Alone. I used to like it, but when you know how it is with someone, you really have trouble going back. But the one lovely thing about alone is.. Safe. You're safe in your own arms, they can't betray you.