Memories..

..I fear to mention a name, because he thinks I still stalk him.

I truly don't..... Yet writing this, if he saw, he'd shake his head.

God damn that was the most painful thing in the world, I must say. The whole experience. Don't say that, don't say that don't say that.
I haven't thought about it for a long long time.. Months and months, I forgot you.
It makes me laugh, now, this.. Though.... Because don't you remember? Every drawing, I feared it to be directed at me. Is it, this time? If you hate me still, you would never see this, so why hide any of my idiotic thoughts...
I was the bitch that wouldn't go away, and that's why I finally left. You found yourself a kind girl. I like her too, she's nice. I'm surprised she doesn't hate me. I really thought she would. Because I hurt you as much as you hurt me. I apologize. But wasn't I always apologizing to you? You got so sick of me.
It took me a long time to get over you... It took new friends and it took new dreams to mend up what I had left. It's... almost.. Unreal now... How could I have...? My yearning for anyone who would listen and anyone who would understand took over any sense I had. I've forgotten everything, because I so desperately wanted to. It's all hidden, somewhere in the back of my head.
You lost your art and you lost your poetry. Why? Don't tell me I was the reason you did it all, you hated me. Well.. Why did you draw me...... Oh hell if I know... ....
Remember your manga...? What happened to drawing.. I still listen to the Pillows and still listen to Dashboard Confessional. I can listen to The Only Gift That I Need without pain. You're a faint memory of tears, guitar, drawings, confusion, and depression. Funny, sometimes I get confused, remembering what I told you, wondering if I've already told this certain story..
Breath of life. Never got old. That and drawing back and forth, that's what I remember with a smile.
Oh.. so you're starting to draw again... ... .. Good...
You didn't want me there in the first place, so I'd hope you would stop acting like I deserted you. You got so tired of it. Every word was forced and not a word was returned. "I may as well talk to myself.."
Forgive me for leaving you to try to figure it all out alone.


"Just leave him alone a few weeks.. He'll talk to you eventually, I just know it!"
Huh...


A day late, like you were. Wait... Two. Pity.
Happy birthday, the one I left behind.