Cold and Childishness

Hello.
Tonight is.. okay. But I seem to have gotten a cold. I randomly got a bloody nose, which kinda sucked.. But it didn't last as long as it usually does. I have a slightly sore throat and a stuffy/runny nose, and just the general feeling that I'm sick. Kleenex increasing and filling up my garbage can slowly but surely.
I had an orange juice, but it seems I've lost track of it. How odd.
I was trying to convince Zandry to do his homework today. Bribing him with.. something. Yeah. Anyway, he declines. I shake my head at him. I'm all hyperactive and all "Let's go go go! Yay homework!' and stuff, but he seems fairly immune. He said he was busy chatting. "With who?" I ask. With me and two other girls. Busy talking to his other friends.. His.. other.. friends.. busy.. talking.. to .. his other.......friends. .. Suddenly something clicks inside my head that makes me upset. He's busy.. talking to his other friends. Something about that makes me feel suddenly uncomfortable, and like a burden. Like I'm one of three, and I'm unneeded. He's got two others to talk to, why bother trying to talk to him when he's listening to three at once? So, I leave with an excuse. "I'm going to do my homework now."
I walk downstairs. For about ten minutes I sit uncomfortably twiddling my fingers thinking.... Wondering why it bothers me so much. Why I have to be jealous. They're his friends, for god's sake.. Yet.... .. I want to feel special? I want to feel like I'm a good friend, not just another one.
I think on this for a while, and think to myself, it's silly and childish to think such thoughts. I do my homework for about ten minutes, and then bring my homework with me back upstairs.
"It felt too odd to ditch you like that."
"lol, you didn't really ditch me"
"yeah I did.. believe it or not, it was sort of the intention"
"oh?"
"yeah.... I'm weird"
I admit my childish jealousy eventually. At which he says, not to feel like that. "Especially not with me."
I can assume the meaning of that, but I hesitate to. I ask what he means. Of course, he won't tell me. I guess he doesn't like admitting such things, haha. Or, has trouble expressing. I ask other things to try to figure out if my guess is right, but fail just a bit.
He confused me a moment, but I'm not sure if I caught the meaning right.. When I was admitting my childish jealousy, I said it in question form.. "What if I told you that for some reason when you said you were talking to two other people I felt like you were two busy to talk to me and that's why I left?"
He said "If that were true I'd say I was busy and sign out of yahoo"
I got confused. What? Tell me he was busy and sign out, or tell them? Apparently not me. He wouldn't repeat nor explain. So I guess that's what he meant.. To tell them he was busy and sign out because I felt left out? I don't know. Maybe.

Apparently he prefers talking to me to talking to them though. Says he avoids msn because a lot of people talk to him there.. Says he uses yahoo to talk to me. He said all these things before, but sometimes I forget. My little insecurities never cease to bother me, so things need to be repeated, sometimes. I forget that I'm at all special in his eyes. I forget why he still talks to me and why he likes me. Because, there seems no specific reason. So I never really get it.. So sometimes I wonder if it's really true, and yet again he must repeat.

*shrugs* Or I could be wrong. Haha. (you tell me)