It's night. I'm home alone with my little brother. I made dinner tonight, stood stirring a pot of noodles. I don't like cooking, it's just like the phrase 'a watched pot never boils' except 'a meal by Tanya never cooks'. It took forever, or.. The minutes felt like such a long time to stand and stare into a pot. It's not very interesting, I can tell you that much. I wish I liked cooking, because then I wouldn't sit around hungry, not wanting to ask and not knowing how to cook. Bleh.. *shudders* And that shudder was not of hate of cooking, it just came out of nowhere. I think there's a draft or I just felt like shaking.
I'm wearing my bum coat. It faintly smells of wood, oil, and everything else. It smells like Gramps. I like that smell. Everyone laughed at me when I wanted his coat, because it reminds me so much of him... And it's got torn cuffs and holes and plain tones of gray, in a wide-spread plaid sort of design.. It's like the smell of burning wood, wood, and just work.. The smell of the woods at night. I love this coat. And my love for comfort, and not for looks, is amplified by it. It's my super coat. It says "I don't give a damn that I look like a bum and that it has holes, it feels good and reminds me of my grandpa". Gramps is my favorite relative.
I breathe in deeply, happy to see that the few times in the wash hadn't gotten rid of the distinct smell.
It makes you dizzy-ish though, but breathing in deeply smelling anything does that.
And I'm tired anyway.
I've said it a lot, but I'll say it again... I miss Zandry. I miss his mellow mood and his endless patience. I miss him telling me to go to bed, and me bribing for longer with a kiss. Or at least the genuine description, as not once can our hands nor lips meet at such a distance. I miss him telling me to eat, when I say I'm hungry. I miss him showing me poetry he's working on. I miss confessing dumb things I feel and think. I miss quoting music, telling him what I wrote in my diary last night. I miss the nearly constant sticking-out-tongue smily that we use. I miss him confusing me and the gameshow questions I was giving him.
"When's my birthday?" "What was your first comment on my journal entry on DA?" "What do I collect?" He got most of them right
"Sometime in February...... February 20th? *winces*" "nope, 21st" "crap :P"
"You were saying something asking for whoever read it to say hi.. so I did" "correct"
"I'm thinking I got this from somewhere else but... perfume bottles?" "correct"
I miss 'colliding' with him online. I miss him asking for pictures. I miss asking him for pictures. I miss him calling me 'Kawaii Bishoujo". I miss how patient he is with me, even when I'm an idiot. I miss how he says 'that's awesome!!' to the most unlikely things. I miss giving him manga. I miss him I miss him I miss him so much. And arg it's driving me insane, ahhaha.
It's only been four days.. But there are only two (goddamn that's not much..) days left till the date we expected for him to come here at. So.. It goes so slow, and it's so worrisome. Because I still don't know if he's coming. And gawd, it either could or couldn't be, depending on what he's been doing these past days... And I don't know. Until he comes back.. And I don't know when.
You only half realize how important someone is to you when they're with you. When they're gone, you realize. 'Holy sh-t they're gone! And I miss them! A lot! Because..." and then you remember all you love about them.
I have to say, again, I really love you Zandry.
And I'm lonely right now. *sad*
Wah... please come back.. I dun even know what you're doing..
*cling*
---
A sigh.
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