I have nothing to worry about, and it's just... Sleep, eat, sing, dance, whatever I'm in the mood for. Ocassional harrassment, ocassional jokes, ocassional laughs, ocassional fun. *shrugs* By the way, I can't spell, and I'm sure not in the mood to spell 'occasional' right.
Haha. I stayed up all night. I'm freeeezing....
I hate school...
Hahaha.. Zandry.. I wish you could stay so you could help me with my math homework. =P I don't like math. I nearly choked when I heard you loved it. You?
I'm loving the Cocteau Twins.. I keep finding all these songs that make me happy. They all have this slurred magic touch, and words you can't understand nor translate with the lyrics. I enjoy this. Cherry Coloured Funk. I looove that song. And the song Alice.
Shivvering. It's coold..
I don't like to talk to people.. Wait.. Do I? Not really.. I don't like people in general. I avoid crowds and avoid big groups of teenage idiots. Believe me.. A lot of you are. No offence.. Haha, right...
Saying that, I sound really arrogant, I have to say.. But.. Just.. ..... I don't know.
Do you have to not have any grammer online? Do you have to show off your wealth? Do you have to try to look sexy in front of the camera? Do you need to listen to music just cuz other people do? Do you have to chat with so many people? Do you have to be popular? Do you have to try to look appealing? Do you have to be rude to those whom are different from the cliché/stereotype you fit into? It makes me sad. Do you have to hate the goody-goody at school? Haha, please don't, because that would be me.
I'm so silent.. I must be odd. Well, I know I'm odd. I'm a very awkward and odd person. I wonder how it would feel to be simply.. 'normal'. No issues, you know... I wonder. It'd be heaven for me I'm sure. I wouldn't jitter and I would be able to talk to people without wincing at what I say in my mind.. Hehe.. Told you I'm weird. But there are so many other weird things you'll never know. :)
Course we all want to feel important. We all want to feel like we're worth something. But I'll actually accept and acknowlege that I'm not.
---
Back to real life...
Micheal.. Zandry.. I'm so worried and excited and nervous at once. I get this sick feeling that it's not going to work.. And I'm getting another bad feeling that this is the only time.. the one chance.. I don't like that.
He's in Canada. I'm right here. We're so close but so far. In more than one way. I'd love to have him over, and I've invited him over. Rediculous, huh? I'm having him fly over to stay with me for a week. You live in the middle of nowhere.. I'd like to buy you out of there with me for a while. It'd be fun to bring you to appreciate things people here take for granted. Antique stores... Photobooths, tons of roads. I can't imagine being where you are.
I hope it works. I hope it's not as hard as it sounds to get permission and to get a passport. And as you're gone for a week, I'm hoping your grandma has got some ideas... Because we're running low on time.
What would I do.. ? I'd bring you so many places. Maybe we'd watch a movie together, and I'd just take you walking. You're one of the single people who think I'm pretty, it's a surprising, not that you're one of the only people, but that you think so. Gives me a good grin and laugh. "me? what?" Ha.
Knowing not a single guy more than by name, I guess I'm 'sheltered' and innocent. But heck, is it so odd? Guys are assholes, half the time. It's hard to find one that's not a country away that's nice.
You try to convince me that you're mean. Thinking of our conversations makes me feel like laughing. You said that you're mean. "I go visit orphanages, tell them about my house and make them cry" Jeez, you're not a good liar, you know. Hahah.
It's more amusing than mean that you want to eat beef jerky in front of a cow. But you forget, you're a vegitarian. I love that sketch you did. With the 'censored' over the udders. *laughs*
I know you're not mean, and there's no way to prove it. Even she said over the phone that you were a sweet kid. Maybe you think with all your pranks and stuff that you're mean, but gosh you're not. "I threw a chair at a teacher once" "oh really? why?" "as if I would do that!"
You're an odd one. But I like that.
I question you one thing. Are you sure you're not lying? Are you sure you're not just being nice, when I ask, "would you like me to stop blabbing or..." and you say "never"?
Remember that time where I went through the computer and told you ever poem I've ever written? And you listened the whole time, and I asked if you were bored, yet no..
And I made sure to ask every time I did something like that. And it was always the same.
I don't care if you say you're ugly. You've been most kind. As if I care that much about looks. "unless you've been in three more car crashes, had plastic surgery, and broken your nose, I think you're probably the same looking as before" I thought you were cute in those pictures, and even if you're uglier than you seem, "looks are just a bonus"
Anyway, you know, I'd give more than 219 dollars to see you. And I am at the moment preparing to give $219 to spend a week with you here, standing next to me, right here.
Painting the fence and doing work for neighbors. I know it'll be worth it. It'll be worth it to hear you laugh and hear your voice, to see you, damn, just that..
That'd be so cool.
The side affects of knowing someone far away, is they seem almost.. not real. You can't imagine them in solid form speaking to you. You listen to what they say, through a translator of text. You see the pictures, and they're flat. You can't imagine them. Not until they're right there, standing in front of you.
I'll tell you about it, if it happens. I'll tell you how it feels to meet a once complete stranger, who you've never seen in your life, who you've talked to for so long and loved.
It'll be a wonderful thing. I'll try not to hope, but.. I will wish.
"My ideal date is in a box, in my backyard, drinking from swirly straws"
I laughed so much when you said you would. I thought 'you sure you're thinking straight? In a box with meee is what I was talking about'
I'd love to walk everywhere with you. Are you sure that was a seven hour walk? You have way too much energy.
Goosebumps.. Not sure if it's the cold or the memory. I think, both.
Obviously I'm missing him, because I'm talking to him through a journal entry, hoping he can hear me, in his head. He's gone for a week, camping. Wonder how he is.. "alive and breathing" yeah, it's always that..
I heart you <3
Haha. I caught you on the webcam, while I had the chance. Damn, you need one of your own, that one of your friends was crap anyway. But it was cool to see you're alive. 'Omg! he's moving!' Hahaha... :D
I won't post you in all your glory. Half your face, as you would prefer. I'll shut up now. I hope fate is with me, for once.. Come visit come visit! Wanna read my diary? *laughs and shakes head* .. Mwaha."
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