More Random

I try to write as much as possible. I want to leave something behind, I don't want to be completely forgotten.. Maybe one person could relate to all this, or at least something... I don't know. And when years go by, when I'm not the same, I don't want to forget how it all felt. I don't want to forget who I was. I don't want to grow up, but maybe it's unavoidable. I'll remain as I am for as long as possible. Never let go of the little joys.
My finger hurts, so it's really hard to type. Every time my pointer finger hits a key, it stings a bit. Clean slice, still hurts though. Feels like my skin is glued together in a clean line of blood. Stretch it, reopen wound. Hard to type.

I sit here, my journal on my lap, waiting for a friend to pop up and say hello. I'm pathetic that way. But as I am, that's how it is. And I don't want a lot of friends. I just want enough for a smile....

I need to do something.. The summer was my savior from eyes, yet I brought them forth again, making myself look strange as possible. I dyed my hair bright colors those days, and wore fun outfits. It gave me a sort of confidence, facing fear once again. You wouldn't believe how many strangers talk to you. Every day, 15 people said something to me about my hair. I counted. It was annoying, but I got used to it. Of course along the days came "fuck you" and shoutings of "freak!!" out car windows. Just another thing you have to deal with, making the choice of being different and colorful.

Kinda gloomy because I miss Zandry... Hey, it's been a week.. It seems like such a long time. I was hoping to run into him, tell him about things, but he's still not around. I hope I can see him sometime soon. I can't help but worry. Not completely of the absence, but of many other things.
I wonder why life has to be complicated. It pisses me off. Arrrg...

"Haha, guess what Felicia told me when I talked to her a few days ago"

It's ...'nice' to hear.. but...... ... *shakes head slowly* I don't think it makes a difference. Zandry loves her. So would it really make much of a difference, that complications make it impossible for them to be together? I have a chance.. so..? As if that's ever made anything better. I have a chance. But never am I given the chance. So it all stays the same. I won't hope, I don't want to... .. Haha, I wish that was true. I don't want to. 70 days can kill you... Sorry, I'm getting gloomy. Hehe, do I have to be sorry..? I'm convinced I have to be sorry for everything. Ever since all that, all I did was apologize.

Haha.



I remember drawing that..