I Miss You

I miss you.
*nods slowly* Everyday. Yeah, you. Maybe not you but yes you. You know who. Maybe. Depends on the reader.
My only worry is I'd be a slight nervous wreck, as I always am. Well, then it shouldn't be a worry. My only worry is that you won't like me being a slightly nervous wreck.
Because I feel nervous right now, and I don't even know why. Or is that twist in my gut really nervousness..? Nervous..? Why am I always nervous?
Jittery... Why?

I think it's just the reminder of him, this time not you, that makes me jitter. But I'm jittery all the time, aren't I? Nearly.

I don't want to whine about him like I used to. There's nothing to whine about. All I can say is I check in on him every now and then to see he's okay, and that it makes me jittery remembering and regretting.
Not like I have a lot to regret. But I regret. Just the fact that it all was a piece of crap, I feel sorry for being a bother.
I'm nervous about everything I can be nervous about. I'm nervous that the answer is 'no'. I'm nervous what his grandma's reaction is. I'm nervous. But I'm always nervous, I said.

So take a deep breath, and stop thinking. I'm nervous, but I can pretend I'm not. I can be nervous and relaxed at the same time.. Or I'm so used to being nervous that I don't feel it anymore. It's funny, mmhm.

You can't take me one way. He, not you, got confused, because maybe my temperament made me seem to be a fearful little child who couldn't handle the truth. The truth was what I think I wanted. Or maybe my naive daydream self wouldn't be able to take that. I'd twist it into what I wanted it to mean. *sighs* I was terrible, I have to admit. But wasn't I always saying I was sorry?
Thanks for not wanting me to be sorry, Zandry.
You are cute, you idiot.
But you can try to prove me wrong, make me not blind, when you see me in person, if you do. But we'll see.
I'm not that pretty. I may have my moments but I'm not that pretty.

But don't take me one way. I have so many different faces. I have nervous, childish, wild, rebel, tomboy, punk, girly, annoying, funny, silent, flirty, shy, desperate, dumb, daring, outgoing, hyper, solitary, hermit, non-outgoing.. I'm always different. It depends who you are, and what part of me you bring out.
A mistake is to think because I never talk I don't like to talk. A mistake is to think because I'm afraid of people I'm afraid to stand out. A mistake is to think that because I write sad things I'm a sad person. A mistake is to think that because I hate being stared at I don't like being stared at. It's funny. Hard to explain.

Why am I tense? It's funny. Maybe I'll go for a walk... Dunno why I'm so nervous-ish... "ish is good"

Funny, I got an email from some guy in Denver, he got the wrong address. Zandry wanted to phone numbers to prank with, but I wouldn't let him. It was a short autobiography (it could have been..) to an old classmate of his.
I find it simply fascinating, how people live their lives, who people are. So I always enjoy the unexpected emails from complete strangers. Last time I got one, it was from a little girl who was sending a letter to her aunt or something. He's been married 11 years and has three little girls. I sent him an email back saying he got the wrong address, and he'd replied with a thanks.
I think listening to me you'd assume I'm at least 20.. I think. If I emailed you. He seems oblivious of my age, well, of course he would. But I sent a very polite email explaining his mistake.

"I'm sorry to say, you've gotten the wrong email. Checking my email, I stumbled upon this.. at first thinking it to be clever spam, but appears not. I suppose it's a good thing it came to me instead of someone else, as that I'll be redirecting you and promptly deleting this. *nods* Be sure to check that you have the right number and spelling.. and I'll notify you if email from you comes here again."

Never mind, I don't sound 20. Eh.. well.. someone who was older and didn't know my age, maybe their impression of teens would make them assume me to be older. Because teens are lazy and misspell things and use slang and shorten all words.
'Teh emailz be spelled wrong, total bummer.' 'Laterz. I gots to go. Sorry I B wrong person. You have the wrong email.'
Dude, I can't even sound like a teen if I try. =P Well, I can't imitate the teen stereotype, yah. Haha.
But I think adults see teens as the people on myspace, total idiots.
I guess I'm a fairly polite and grammar-aware teen. Even in instant messages, I be sure to add each comma (usually just for affect) and spell things out. *shrugs*
Anyways, yeah. I miss you Zandry.