Hm.. Something about me is brimming in angst. It's like "oh noes!" and wants to tear out my hair. Angst. Angst angst angst. Something is really pulling hard on my emotions. And I don't even know what? Really. Maybe it's because I understand and therefore don't know what to do.
Whoooo, as Mayre would say, "Teh angst!", but she says that in a mocking way.
Angsty angsty angsty angsty agnsty. Tired and angsty. And I don't know what to say. Mind is going blank as a whiteboard, fresh erased, no lines left. Why is the queen of writing going blank?
Blank. Blank.
Maybe memories are overwhelming? No, everything is. From love triangles to pasts, to saved lives and my understanding that it is my fate to lose. My mind is shouting at me. Well, not really, but it's thinking 'errgaah.. what do I do! I'm meelting.. dying.. I can't understand.. win or lose.. what doo i dooooooo?' so yeah.
Ha. Haha.. ha.. It's not that funny.
My eyes ache in their sockets, and I wonder. Whaat should I believe, what should I say, what do I do? I don't know. God, I just don't know. Something says it's the same as it was with the very bad happening of him. Him. Yes yes him. I felt I owed him something. I felt attached to him. He was the first one who cared. He dropped into my life when I needed him first. And I couldn't let go. Couldn't, couldn't. He hated me, later. I drove him nuts and I fell in love with him. Because he was the first. And it was hard to get over that. Some part of me says it's the same. He was my friend. He was the one guy I was close to. And it all went tumbling down? Oh what do I say?
"I just want to be someone's angel.." I fail well at that. I can't be a savior and I can't be an angel, nope. I'm just plain old me, sitting here, wondering. What do I do, what do I say? And the world goes around as I sit here, wondering, and nothing happens. I say not a word. I don't know what to do and I don't know what to do and I don't know!
Would I love my savior? Yes. Would they be best for me, with the thing they did, being there for me.. Wait, I don't make sense. Never mind never mind never mind. I mean.. Wait.. Um.. I'd love anyone who saved me. Who says it's love? It's love but it's not love? It's love or not. Oh I don't know. Hahahaaaa..
The hell. They're perfect for each other, and who am I kidding?
Pretending to have an answer to the answer that's there. Well, isn't it multiple choice? Is there one right answer..
Sell your soul or give it away, the life you owe you can't take it back and you can't give it again. I'm trying to think but it's not making any sense and it's scream-worthy, but screaming helps nothing, no?
Yes. I sigh at the fate of my life. Woooooooo.. I'm fated to turn around, walk away. It's all okay, right? Yeah.. sure.. Okay... Maybe.. right.. Yeah.. Hm.. Course it'll always be okay. But it'll never be good.
Your soul is taken. So I can't do anything, right? With good reason.
Eh.. Brain goes melting. Brain goes crying. Brain goes "haha, my owner sucks" Well well well.. What else can I say? I'm screwed, fucking screwed. Moo. I shouldn't swear. It's a bad thing. Ahaha.. I sound like I do when I have a mental breakdown and am feeling screwed up... Well, I sound as I did a year ago. Waiting for it to all be okay. I would wait a long time for everything to be okay. I'd wait for him to come back, I'd wait for the days to bring some smile to my life. And now I'm waiting again. Hah. Fate. Fate is funny.
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