Day of Paranoia

Today was a bad day for me. Paranoia was on a high, and I don't even know why. But my head hurt and I wanted to scream, and I felt like I couldn't speak without someone I don't want hearing me listening in. It's an odd feeling. But I couldn't do anything, felt stuck, couldn't blog, couldn't write, couldn't look up lyrics, couldn't hum, couldn't move. Because people were around. And I was so paranoid that I just could hardly bare it.

So, I went out. I said to mom "I'm really paranoid, I don't know why, and I want to get out, right now" She gave me that 'oh...' worried look, and so we went out to run errands and go to an antique store. Just bought some little things we needed, then went to a grocery store.

I started to explain to her the feeling I was getting, how I just felt like everyone was listening, like I couldn't do anything, that I was stuck and being judged at every second, that everyone was watching me. She nodded. She's seen me feeling that way before. She then asked if it had anything to do with a conversation with Zandry. I went "Um.." and then said "No, not really. Nothing he said has been bothering me" she looked at me for a second and I tried to hide the 'haha, I'm lying' expression, but I failed. "you sure you're being completely honest?" "Well, kinda.. well.. not really. But today's a bad day, and it's not because of him" I said I'd tell her, and then I glanced around and said awkwardly "can we please keep moving?" because I didn't like how we were just standing around with our shopping cart in the aisle.
I looked to my right after while and gasped quietly. "wow!" I exclaimed "what?" mom said. I was staring at my favorite candy, which is always only in the foreign grocery stores. But, a lady had walked right in front of it, blocking it from view. "never mind.. wait.." I said. Mom gave me an odd look. The lady finally moved and I said "wow, my favorite candy!" and grabbed one. Mom laughed. "Jeez! You had me worried!" I laughed and said "see what I mean? I'm weird, paranoid.. I didn't want to go 'oh my gosh!!!' right near that lady who was standing there"
So I'm strange.
I was having a bad day and I needing something nice. So I bought some irises. My parents leave with my brother tomorrow to look at the town he'll be living in, so we bought some cookies and snacks.. and orange juice. Nice little things.

We went down to buy everything, but Mom couldn't find her Safeway card. She was like "ahh.. it's so hard to find! Too many are red!" and then the lady at the cash register said that what you're supposed to do is spin around and say "Tony, Tony, turn around, what once was lost will now be found" She started to say it but didn't want to turn around, so the lady spun around chanting it, and then she found the card. I laughed. Mom said she got goosebumps and went "oh my god! It worked!!" with a loud gasp and I laughed and got a little embarrassed. A bit relieved to see the lady behind us was smiling, amused, and not giving us a 'wow, they're crazy' look.

We went to the antique store, but it was closed. So we went to a store called 'Wish' instead. It's a fun little clothing store, in a style that I like. I got a nice summer dress with a broken zipper (which mom can fix) and a brown top that has a tie around the neck.. A tank top, I suppose you'd say. Nearly backless and no straps except the tie around the neck.. Well, you probably know what I mean. But both are nice. The summer dress is flowered with black straps and white and pink flowers. It looks good on me, and I don't wear pink much anyway, so it wouldn't hurt to. And the brown top looks good with my eyes and hair. Though I still have a headache and feel paranoid, I'll at least have something fun to wear tomorrow.. haa.