Ouch.

I clear my throat. "... Shut. Up!"
The phone keeps ringing.

It still hurts. It hurts to know. It hurts to see it.
I don't want to see it.
Stop.. Reading it.. Stop looking, stop caring, stop stop stop. It aches.
But, hypocrite. I do too, don't I? Because I can't... help it. I have to know how he's doing. I hate him. More than anyone.

So you did read my poetry...? I can't believe you..

Hah. I shouldn't do this, should I? No. What if he looks at this too? I can't believe this.. That hurt, do you know? 70 days being ignored. But I asked for it, didn't I? I even offered it.. But I didn't know how long that would feel.. And do you know how much it hurt, knowing that even though you could, you never once looked, to see if I was okay? You didn't. Do you now?

I said I would stop.. stop talking about this...

But I can't believe this..
---

Hide the fucking windows. Hide them all. They can't see me looking, they won't see it, they will never see me looking there. They won't see me doing this. I'm over it, they know it. Innocent questions of whatever happened to 'my boyfriend', as my brother calls any guy I talk to for more than an hour. Hide the fucking windows. Hit the gooddamned F11. Hit it and watch it all disappear. And breathe. Just breathe in, and pretend you aren't hiding anything. I'm over it, understand? Wouldn't you wonder how your old friend is doing with his new girlfriend, or your old friend doing with their boyfriend? Wouldn't you wonder? I click and I find out. I find proof, that they still mingle and read my works. Do you know how that feels? It makes you angry, at how they do it now.. And they never did before, did they??

I look at the sun and go blind, and look back to the sun with empty eyes.
---

Okay. I feel better now. Pretend I didn't say anything, alright? I'm an angsty little brat.

*stretches out arms like wings, wide*

I need to listen to Carolyn's Fingers and cry. ^___^
Cocteau Twins have the magic ability to sound like gibberish. This one is just a little more distinguishable.. maybe because I've heard it 63 times. Here's how it sounds:

Meeseeh, yooa fulla la..
chee ise, este es su meees..
si ivu se ievi, deehs..
Ii, frahaju, iban ma nnanii..

(een hen ne ne ne mo...
(se..cha)
Chisii, laahasa, chihasu meeh..
(leeemenee... che..)
Chii, denii, susu uleee.. la laaa..

Here's what she's really saying:

When he said, 'You are full of love'
She fell down into this dirty mess
Some people see me laugh and tell us,
'It's wrong to make fun of me'

(Even they don't give any more)
(Try, try to fall)
She fell down into this mess
(Even then they don't give)
(Try, try to fall)
She fell down and he's so sick of it all
And of me
----------------------------------

Maybe Sleepy Maggie is more suiting. It's pretty... I used to listen to it every Friday night in the summer.. When I was twelve.

-- Ciamar a ni mi dannsa direach, Ciamar a ni mi ruidhle bhoidheach. Ciamar a ni mi dannsa direach. Dhi'fhalbh am prionn as bonn mo chota..

It's a lovely song to listen to with a dark sky and stars.