Who?

My throat is sore.. It makes me irritated. Slightly.

Whoo ammmm I? I am the darkness that elopes you just as you turn the light off, I am the feeling you get after a good meal, I am the confusion of not knowing when what where how why.. I am the essence of the strangely awake feeling you get, when you haven't had a blink of sleep all night. I am the quivering, I am the choke, I am the urge to sleep all day you sometimes get. I'm the tingling when your hands fall asleep, the pin sensation. I am the shadow that lurks behind you, wandering. I am the sweaty palms, I am the shiver, I am the warm blanket, I am the comfort of rolling up and closing your eyes when it gets to be too much...

Well, that's in metaphors.

If you saw me in real life, who would I be?
I'm nice, I'll never be rude. I won't swear and I won't tell you to go away, even if I hate you. I divert my eyes. I'm lazy, I look boring and normal, except for on some days.. Some days you have to stare. Maybe I'll have purple hair, or maybe my face will be smeared with green eyeliner, or maybe I'll be wearing an elaborate costume of black. Maybe I'll be wearing a bright pink wig. Maybe huge boots and maybe something no one would dare to wear. But, that's just on days when I'm bored.

A normal day is hell in the morning. I'm slow.. Slow slow slow. I don't want to wear anything that I can't loosely fall into, half asleep. I never ever ever wear blue jeans. Always cargo pants, loose, in a shade of green. Rarely anything that fits completely, it has to be a little loose. On average I'll be wearing a black hoodie, with the words "NINJ4" on the front. It's a fan hoodie of the webcomic, Megatokyo (see links). Normal wide sneakers... whatever the heck you call them.

I'm lazy and loose, just as my clothing says. I'm sleepy.... I want something very comfortable. If it snags, I'm not wearing it. If you have to check it, I'm not wearing. Nor will I wear anything that will go too low, injure me, or slow me down. No heels, no short skirts, no over-long sleeves, no low shirts. No tank tops, usually. I don't have anything to show off, and school? Why at school? I don't like anyone there. Only my friends.

My hair is short, also because I'm lazy. More, I'm self-conscious, which ironically means I'll diminish the things I'm self-conscious about. Less hair, less to worry about. I had my hair cut short, because whenever I looked in the mirror in the morning, it was all over the place, or was a mess.. And I would fuss with it and feel all junky when I went to school. I actually considered shaving my head. *laughs* I hate hair. It's such a bother. Yet, shaving my head would be too much. They'd think I have cancer. So no. Just short hair.

I never wear make up. Because it's something to fuss with. Rub my face, and I'll smear it. And lipstick comes off when you eat, and it feels icky. Eyeliner is unnecessary. Mascara does nothing. Makeup is just.. crappy. It's a pain in the ass, it makes you look desperate, and it doesn't make you pretty. And who cares about looks..? I won't change my looks so people will like me, if they don't like normal me, they don't like me.

I'm very easygoing. I'll go where you go, I don't care. I don't mind if you say something rude to me. I'm not easily insulted, but if someone close to me insults me and is serious, it hurts a lot. I'm nervous with people in general.. I'm thinking I have some social-anxiety or something. When my friends come over, I get nervous. I feel like they're judging everything I do, so I feel pressured to be entertaining and interesting. And it leaves me feeling bad if my company and I don't do much. So I never invite people over. But I do go to parties or whatever comes up. I just don't like one-on-one, when I'm the one inviting. Phone conversations also make me nervous, but just because whenever I call.. I seem to get someone who can't speak English (Iris... *sigh*), someone who can't hear me, or my friend answers and I can't recognize their voice. So it leaves me embarrassed.

I guess I could call myself a 'sincere sweet person', simply because I don't.. like to ever hurt people's feelings, ever, and I tell the truth. I don't have a reason to lie, and I don't have a reason to say anything that I would not want said to me. Though I feel nervous with people, when there's good conversation, or if it's someone I can really be open with, I love company.

I like being asked questions. I like to tell people my stories. "Why do you always have to have someone to tell your story to?" I thrive on it. Who knows why. I guess I need to let it out, somehow.

"you look bored" "I always do" "I thought you always looked tired" "I always look tired and bored"

To be continued..