Sorry. I scare myself, and yeah..... I think having a black blog affects my head, haha.. But, jeez. Wild mood swings indeed. I think once summer comes around, or at least, when things settle down.. When I can get the hell out of here, and have some space.. I may be a little less.. depressing. But for the time being, it's a habit. I keep on forgetting anyone reads this. Just stuck, for now.. Going nuts. Tired. I don't like school.. I worry far too easily. I think summer would make me the happiest I ever have been. On this blog, because I can be open, I think too much of my bad side sinks in. If you look at the journal I write in the other place, it's a lot more positive, because I don't want people to see me all gloomy. "sometimes it's hard to put on a happy face.." Problem is, I don't have anywhere to put all my gloom and rain cloud... It stays in my head, or gets written down. It's relieving to say, to let out. To not have the burden of thinking about it. I'm sorry that I can't be more happy. At least I'm not writing poetry, anymore.. Not like that, ha. I'll leak you in on some of my positive. Well, more positive than this. Here.
9:39 PM-
Ugh.. Sleepeh. ... I don't like being sleepy.. Mm.. I hope I wake up early enough to run into Nikhil. He says I'm too gloomy. Yeah.. I agree. My blog is pretty gloomy, though. When I have too much time to think, my thoughts start getting a bit refletive, therefore depressing. Ha, of course.. Our conversations are weird. But, it's fun. He's crazy enough to read my blog, so I applaud. I mean, hell, I write a lot on there. He actually read all that.. He's not even online a lot, either. Weirdo. Haha. What if I want to be gloomy? Hmmmmm? I admit, I don't really try to do anything to not be gloomy, but, I don't really know how. Maybe I should jump up and down and shout "MY LIFE IS WONDERFUL! I'm SO happy to be ME!!" *laughs* Shouting anything like that would raise my spirits, I do admit. But I'm too.. controlled. I don't know how to live. Mayre, you have gotta teach me, but don't include going off campus. I need to make a fool out of myself, for once. Maybe someday I'll break down and just do everything I'd never let myself.. That'd be weird. Nah, I won't. But occasionally I have to go to my room, lock the door, and just jump on my bed, playing some loud hyper song. Yeaaaah. I gottaaa do that. I need to have fun. Eh.. *shrugs*
---
And some happy poetry for once, too..
First comes a single smile,
then comes a grin
Express yourself
and the feelings within
Soon comes a giggle,
soon a gasping laugh
that's what you get
for holding it back
Watch, you cover your mouth,
yet your shoulders start to shake
from bursts of laughter
that try to escape
Oh no, look
now I've got it too
A rumbling laugh
try to hold, not to spew
But you give up,
and I shortly surrender
and we both fall into
fits of laughter
There. *pat pat*
2 comments:
Dear Tanya,
Darkness may surround you, but never gets you. You're not going nuts, you are just seeing what's wrong in this world, unconsciously.
Scary, isn't it?
Don't feel depressed by that. There's so much beauty in this world.
Those who are fighting for there own life everyday. Those who are fighting for their ideas... They are beautiful.
Smile, and a light shine. Laugh, and the world will be laughing with you.
Life is the most beautiful present you'll ever have.
Take a look at the others. Look to those who are populars. Don't you feel they are popular just to exist?
You are already far from them, expressing yourself over the biggest ocean ever created.
You don't have to think if what you gonna write will please your audience.
Go on! Express yourself!
You are one of these beauty.
Sleep well.
This is the first day of the rest of your life.
Just be, dear Tanya.
... wow. Talk about good advice.. That's really nice... Well said. I'm dumbfounded. Such an interesting way of viewing it, and I've never heard anyone say it like that... Most see it as a problem, a burden, something I have to change. Don't worry, I'm not as sad as I sound, though. I have such a large amount of mood swings, confusion, and all that..
.. 'who are you?' I really wonder.. Wish I knew, because I'd like to know you'd heard my thank you, and I always wonder who it is that appears out of no where to do something so nice.. *chuckles* Kind stranger, or someone I know, or maybe someone I don't know but could? Wish I knew..
Interesting. Most wouldn't bother to write something this long, unless you are one of those most interesting and inspirational people who go around, helping people, fishing them out from their doubt and loss.. Both ways, wonderful.
Thanks very much.. Kind of you. *smiles* Funny, you sound like me. I said nearly exactly this, on a very happy day. I wrote it, so I wouldn't forget, and so I wouldn't lose hope. Again, thank you. I hope you have the best, because people like you deserve it. *chuckles*
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