I'm remaining agnostic, and will always be. Otherwise, what would I call myself? I'm not an Atheist, I'm not a Christian, I'm not Jewish, I'm not Buddhist.. What do you do, when all your beliefs clash with the rules and ideas of each religion? They mix and match..
For a while I've had no idea what to believe. I don't even think about it. I mean, why.. I'm alive, I'm not there or then. I'm not sent by a god, I'm not on a path. I don't ponder these things.. But I had some free time to stare into space, so I thought up what I believe. Or, something close, as of now. Don't laugh, because there are more ridiculous sounding things in every religion... Just because you don't believe mine doesn't mean yours isn't ridiculous, too.
So, what of the start of the world? What happened..? I believe, not a god, but a force beyond human knowledge. Indescribable, like infinity. You can't see infinity, it doesn't fit in your mind's eye. 'God' wouldn't, either. So some indescribable force made us to be as we are. Or, at least got the ball rolling. This force sculpted the first creatures into existence, and made this flaming hot ball of gasses into life. I'd refer to this force as God, as it is commonly known, but I'm sick of that word. Because when you hear "god" you think 'worship'.. You think of all the other religions. I'll refer to this God thing as Prelude... But, Prelude isn't a person. Prelude doesn't look like us, they're not a man, woman, it is an it. It doesn't have a face, it doesn't have a body.. I think of it as a shapeshifter. Prelude has no form, nothing to see, invisible.. So you can have it however you wish. It can be in different forms, and appear in different shapes and sizes. It just is. It's not one thing, it's not one picture. Every religion's view of what Prelude looks like is right, but not how Prelude works. It died, creating us. Prelude isn't alive, watching us. It doesn't have eyes, anyway. It just was, it created, it was done. It goes away, or creates more somewhere else. Or, dies, if that's possible. So Prelude was, and now is gone.
Prelude just started up the world. It gave us all we needed, and the rest was evolution. It's like an ant farm. You give them all they need, and that's that. You leave the building and continuing to the ants. Prelude planted the seeds, left them to grow. I'm not sure about evolving from monkeys, but we did evolve. We may have been already there, or not.. But we didn't stay the same.
Now the death thing is something I don't know about. I haven't died, and I imagine that death is like nothing I've ever experienced. All I can do is make an educated guess. I believe three choices. Either, when you die, nothing happens.. You're gone, it's over, your mind and soul are gone.. Or, you go somewhere.. Your soul, your spirit.. You go somewhere.. Or, lastly, you are reborn. Those three are the ones I think could be. Because I don't believe that Prelude is anything like God, and because Prelude is dead or gone, I don't believe in heaven or hell.
I don't like how everyone says that they KNOW what happens when they die. They don't. They're so.. Arrogant. It's silly. Everyone says "I'm right! I'm right!" but how do they know? "because the bible says so" "because the koran says so" "because--" You're wrong. I feel, that we should be open to any ideas, and know that we aren't necessarily correct. We haven't died yet, have we? Maybe we have. But we really don't know. Realizing that, we should now, accept that we could be wrong, and others could be wrong, but that's fine. You're not going to be punished for a wrong answer. This isn't school, my friends. Spreading your religion.. It's the worst thing you can do. It's cruel. My belief is, believe what you want! Prelude doesn't care. Prelude can't hear you. Prelude is a thing of hope, and just of respect. You can't anger Prelude, you can't talk to Prelude.. It doesn't matter. Knowing that whatever you believe is fine, you should believe whatever makes you feel good. If you don't want to think about Prelude being dead, then don't believe it. If you're happy knowing someone's watching you, believe it. What makes you happy.. That's the point. You don't need to believe things that hurt you.. At least, not in this case.
Sin.. Sin sin sin. Everyone loves to talk about sin. All you Christians, all you that believe in heaven and hell.. All that believe in "him". I remember a Muslim kid in my class.. He said "if you don't believe in heaven and hell, if you don't believe you'll be punished, how do you ever do right?" We don't need punishment to do what is right. Those raised on the fear of punishment.. They rely on it, to do right. But I have my own mind, my own 'god' inside of me, telling me, don't do that. Don't steal, don't cheat.. Why..? Because it makes me unhappy. You get punished internally if you do wrong. So, I don't need a belief of the "man" up there bringing me to burn. I punish myself, and learn. Fear.. Fear.. I don't need fear.
Back to sin. My belief is, Prelude doesn't like sin. Who would like it? If Prelude knew pain, it would shake it's head, if it had a head.. If it had a body, it would be perfect. If it was at all human. But it's not. But Prelude (god) has nothing to do with sin! Prelude is gone! Prelude just started the world. So, in a way, there is no God. But, that doesn't mean it wasn't ever there. Prelude doesn't love, Prelude doesn't hate.. Get the picture?
My opinion on worship.. It's fine. Worship Prelude, or your god, or whatever you worship. But, don't do it to the point of hurting yourself. Prelude isn't a celebrity! It's not going to hurt you if you don't respect it. It can't hurt you, and it never will. Showing respect for Prelude is fine, but don't expect a reward.. You don't need to worship it ever, you don't need to every week. I feel that instead of spending so much time worshiping Prelude, we should worship each other.. I know, it sounds weird. We're worshiping a dead thing. We're spending hours reading from our books and telling our stories, while people die and are in pain. Worship those who are kind, those who truly are your saviors. Less time for the deceased.. We need to move on. We need to save the living, not staring at the dead, and thanking them. We must remember the dead, Prelude, but we must open our eyes and see clearly, and help unselfishly. We need to lesson the hurt we deal out, and keep the world turning, as Prelude started it. I'll never go to church, I concentrate on my actions and how I impact others.
I used to pray, you know? I did about five times in my life. I did when I wasn't sure.. I prayed and asked why, and asked things.. And then I prayed to say goodbye. I said "I can't believe in you." I told it, that I couldn't believe it could let all those people suffer, that it could leave people to burn down below. That a good God would never do that. That I can't respect God, that it wasn't worth it. So I prayed goodbye, and didn't believe he was watching. So, I conclude, Prelude is gone. Prelude is dead. Why do we suffer? We don't suffer because of Prelude. We control it. We let each other die. We let each other suffer. Prelude is some people's scapegoat.. They won't accept that it's their own faults. It's my fault, too. But I accept that. I understand. My inaction. I tried blaming Prelude, but it doesn't work. I still hurt inside, when I lay it all on someone I can never see, hear, or feel. When I prayed, I didn't feel anything.. I felt like I was talking to silence. I felt like the only thing that could hear me, was myself.
My father did something, to convince my mother.. To convince her, Prelude wouldn't kill him. That Prelude can't touch him. It was a stormy night, and raining. They were walking home, and there was so much lightning and thunder.. He yelled "God, if you exist, strike me down!" My mother was terrified. She told him to stop, but he continued to say it, shout it. He wasn't touched, no lightning went near them. My mother got over any fear she had of Prelude. By the way, when I say Prelude, I mean either the God most believe in, or my own. You call "him" god, I call it Prelude. Same thing, different idea. But when I say it, I mean either and or. To clarify.
So until now, I haven't had a thought about Prelude, nor sin, nor heaven or hell. I don't think about sin. I think about myself.. I think, "that hurt her.. I shouldn't have said that.. oh no.." I don't say it because it's a sin. I say it, because I know how it feels to hurt. And anyone with a conscience should understand this. I respect all who believe in Prelude as a living, watching god.. But I think I'm beyond that. I think a living god is a comfort.. For those who need hope. I feel that it is something good for the people. Please, respect all beliefs. Respect the Atheists, the Christians, the Buddhists, the Hindus, the Jews, the Muslims, the Agnostic, the Shinto, and all other religions..! You aren't sent on a mission to make everyone think the same as you, and let people happy in these religions remain with it.
Last, I'll talk of angels. Guardian angels. In a way, I believe in them. Strange, because I don't believe in heaven or hell.. But do they have to be from there? Can spirits roam? I have no stable idea of death, so it is unknown to me. Maybe they can save you..? Maybe a spirit can push you out of the way, maybe they can give you a lifesaving idea, going into your head. Maybe the freshly dead could talk to you, in your dreams. Maybe. I believe that it is possible, but all of it is surrounded by question marks and maybe. I can't know until I die, if I have the power to know at that time. But, guardian angels.. Many forms? When I speak of guardian angels, they can be people or spirits. I feel partly, that everyone is a guardian angel, in some way. Everyone is a guardian angel at some point in their life. Everyone can be. A kind deed can save someone, and that's when you're their angel. I feel that a soul mate is your final and forever guardian angel. And with that, I'll end this...
No offense to anyone who disagrees. I believe in letting you believe, so let me.
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