Me now.
http://retracing-my-steps.blogspot.com/
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
-ATTENTION to my friends, and all who read...-
Hi.
This will be my very last entry on this blog. ...
I will not delete it, as it's filled with memories of love heartbreak love and many wild mood swings and breakdowns that I'll laugh at in future times. Either that or it'll tell me how my teen years were, which I'll show to my little girl I may adopt someday? Who knows. But preserving my past and memories is very important to me.
Now, please note this.
If you still want to read my blog, or if you'd bookmarked it or enjoy looking at my random ramblings..
EMAIL ME!
Because.. This is not the end. I'm going to continue all this, somewhere else.
Why? Privacy. I have this linked too many places, and I have too many peeping relatives.
Mom stops me from writing about certain things for this reason, which I refuse to do..
This is my life, I can write about my life, and I refuse to hold anything back from anyone. I have no secrets.
Love you all, thank you for reading. Again, if you wish to continue reading, email me... Or a fan emaill, which I highly doubt, but if that ever happened, it'd crack me up.
My email is this-
goldengirl12@comcast.net
I've had that email since I was 12, don't think I'll be changing it ever, too many long lost friends have it, want to be able to be contacted.
Hugs to everyone, thanks to all who ever commented, especially Elizabeth for those comments on my lower days.
P.S. Relatives, why don't you ask me how I am instead of eavesdropping? It's not like I wouldn't email you. And this blog has little to do with how I really am, it's more observations of my life and all around me, and moody days..
With that, I bid you all, ex 'boyfriends', ex friends, ex aquaintences, relatives, friends, my love Weston, and strangers... A fond farewell.
This will be my very last entry on this blog. ...
I will not delete it, as it's filled with memories of love heartbreak love and many wild mood swings and breakdowns that I'll laugh at in future times. Either that or it'll tell me how my teen years were, which I'll show to my little girl I may adopt someday? Who knows. But preserving my past and memories is very important to me.
Now, please note this.
If you still want to read my blog, or if you'd bookmarked it or enjoy looking at my random ramblings..
EMAIL ME!
Because.. This is not the end. I'm going to continue all this, somewhere else.
Why? Privacy. I have this linked too many places, and I have too many peeping relatives.
Mom stops me from writing about certain things for this reason, which I refuse to do..
This is my life, I can write about my life, and I refuse to hold anything back from anyone. I have no secrets.
Love you all, thank you for reading. Again, if you wish to continue reading, email me... Or a fan emaill, which I highly doubt, but if that ever happened, it'd crack me up.
My email is this-
goldengirl12@comcast.net
I've had that email since I was 12, don't think I'll be changing it ever, too many long lost friends have it, want to be able to be contacted.
Hugs to everyone, thanks to all who ever commented, especially Elizabeth for those comments on my lower days.
P.S. Relatives, why don't you ask me how I am instead of eavesdropping? It's not like I wouldn't email you. And this blog has little to do with how I really am, it's more observations of my life and all around me, and moody days..
With that, I bid you all, ex 'boyfriends', ex friends, ex aquaintences, relatives, friends, my love Weston, and strangers... A fond farewell.
Zuu...
I'm so tired these days. Take a nap everyday after school, sleep three hours, still is tired, do homework, sleep and wake up at 4:30 AM..
School is a bother. Takes a whole lot of energy. Quite bleh.
At least missing my bf gives me an excuse to be all cheesy romantic with him all the time when I do talk to him. Woot.
He'll be getting a night-shift job sometime soon to save up for his adventure, may not be able to talk to him as much. Pity.
But because of the delay of his adventure, I will indeed be seeing him in February for my birthday. That'll be fun. First time to see him.. I'm tired right now so I can't express my excitement for that, as my exhaustion takes over any enthusiasm at the overwhelming idea of how soon this is and all we'll do. Day before yesterday we had fun talking of that.
-
Haha aw...-wraps his arms around you, keeping you close- I'm sorry I can't be there
you will be soon enough :P
-nod- Yup and then you can hug me and kiss me and never let go if you don't want to :P
a good hour XDD
Haha
and we're a couple, whoooo o__o
lol noooo, really? XD
we're a couple I'm a part of o__o (that sounds really odd) XDDD
-Shakes head and laughs-
*laughing* we'll be that cute couple you see wandering around looking cute XD or weird
Or both
It's so much fun to be in love with someone as dorky as me ^___^
lol, it's a new one, I've never even dated someone who liked to act dorky
haha, amazing
But I've also never dated myself :P
I wonder if I'll be what you expect >__>
I'm sure you will be
then describe how I'll be? XD
From what it seems is at first you'll be shy and quiet and as time goes on you'll be giddy and dorky, you'll be a shy-er version of the person you are now, not to mention random as hell as time goes on :P
*nod nod* correct XD
I have no concerns of not liking you in person :)
--
Blah blah. :P I talk to him everyday course.
I'm so so so tired. Soore too. Running again tomorrow for weight training..
School is a bother. Takes a whole lot of energy. Quite bleh.
At least missing my bf gives me an excuse to be all cheesy romantic with him all the time when I do talk to him. Woot.
He'll be getting a night-shift job sometime soon to save up for his adventure, may not be able to talk to him as much. Pity.
But because of the delay of his adventure, I will indeed be seeing him in February for my birthday. That'll be fun. First time to see him.. I'm tired right now so I can't express my excitement for that, as my exhaustion takes over any enthusiasm at the overwhelming idea of how soon this is and all we'll do. Day before yesterday we had fun talking of that.
-
Haha aw...-wraps his arms around you, keeping you close- I'm sorry I can't be there
you will be soon enough :P
-nod- Yup and then you can hug me and kiss me and never let go if you don't want to :P
a good hour XDD
Haha
and we're a couple, whoooo o__o
lol noooo, really? XD
we're a couple I'm a part of o__o (that sounds really odd) XDDD
-Shakes head and laughs-
*laughing* we'll be that cute couple you see wandering around looking cute XD or weird
Or both
It's so much fun to be in love with someone as dorky as me ^___^
lol, it's a new one, I've never even dated someone who liked to act dorky
haha, amazing
But I've also never dated myself :P
I wonder if I'll be what you expect >__>
I'm sure you will be
then describe how I'll be? XD
From what it seems is at first you'll be shy and quiet and as time goes on you'll be giddy and dorky, you'll be a shy-er version of the person you are now, not to mention random as hell as time goes on :P
*nod nod* correct XD
I have no concerns of not liking you in person :)
--
Blah blah. :P I talk to him everyday course.
I'm so so so tired. Soore too. Running again tomorrow for weight training..
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Relief
Mmm...
About two days ago, Wess and I had our first fight..
I think we did a bit yesterday, or no.. I was being so very very careful and was afraid to say anything.
Today we fought a bit more. ...
----
You
Cannot
Help
My
Sleeping
Schedule
It
Is
OUT
Of
Your
Hands
would you please stop it?
And if it means THAT much to you that I get on one, I'll agree to the sleeping pills
fuck no
Yes because nothing else is going to work apparently because I always get side tracked and back onto a crap schedule
So yeah
stop. it.
The sleep thing will be taken care of
stop stop stop stop.
I'm not doing anything....my mom mentioned them to me weeks ago: "Maybe we should try sleep medication" "Yeah, I think so too"
stop talking like this.
What?
stop.
XD I'm not doing anything Tanya
you're treating me like I'm stupid.
.....
look at it, will you? you
are
talking
like
this
and
acting
like
I'm
a f
ucking
idiot
#1 - It is out of your hands
duh
#2 - I was going to go on the pills anyway
#3 - I am listening
I don't want you to
Too bad
'why should I? you're obviously wrong, I don't care what you think, your opinions don't matter, why the hell do you bother? What does it matter to you? So? You have to do this?' is this not something that hurts?
Out of all of that, the only ones I were trying to say were "Why should I?" "Why are you bothering with it?" not bluntly as you put it and "Why does it matter to you"
The rest...no
well the way you're talking to me, it's hurting me, whether you meant that or not
-Shakes head- Yeah, okay
I'm just not even going to say anything, I shouldn't even be typing this sentence...
Past two days, I type something and someone's pissed...
Lovely pattern
Sorry that I'm so FUBAR Tanya :)
what the fuck happened?
why are you suddenly defensive when I try to help, why am I hurt so easily, and why can't we work anything out without stupid shit like this happening?
Because this time the fight is between us, we're not consoleing each other for the pain other's have brought us
We're fighting for what we've said
I hate fighting..
I hate this..
----
But we finally figured out what we were both doing wrong, and stopped being so abrupt and explained..
So it's all okay now.. *sigh*
Scared me. T_T.
I think all couples have to fight at least once. Because, they have to test their boundaries, and figure out what to not do and why things go wrong sometimes, what mistakes they're making and how to balance everything. So, our first fights.
But now I know, and now he knows..
And I doubt we'll fight for quite a while, this was just a bad time. He was having a bad night and it made us fight, feeling lower than ever and what I said wasn't good to put on him at that time, though he wasn't making sense. The next days I was just kinda.. afraid of him. Afraid he'd blow up on me. Because I didn't know what was wrong and why things were going wrong..
It was especially scary for it to continue the next day.. Because I was thinking, oh shit. I don't want to lose him to this. Felt like maybe for some reason something snapped and he wouldn't be back the way he always was, and that I couldn't speak freely like I did before and that I'd always make things worse when he feels low..
"*hugs you* I'm sorry that I've let it come this far..
I just don't.. realize what I'm doing until you say it..
I'll trust you to work on it Wess.. I'll leave it alone, but I won't tip toe.. But I want you to ask me when you want anything, if you want help, please don't leave everything to yourself"
"-hugs back, holding you close- I love you okay...more than anyone or anything, no matter what you say or do, nothing will change that. Just do this differently, I want your help, I want you to be close, I don't want you to fear me because there's nothing to fear. I'm me, I'm still ME Tanya, I got mad once and I wouldn't of normally done it, it was just a mistake. -Nod- Okay, please keep it that way."
"-takes your hand- No fights, okay? The last couple of days I never want to repeat again, so I will work on everything as long as you do, -hugs-"
"okay.."
"We all have our bad days but notice that has only happened once? It's not like it happens constantly, like I said, it was a mistake because I had just had a bad day before that
If I'm feeling THAT bad again, which rarely ever happens, I will tell you if you want me to"
"okay.. as I said, jammed... and then I go and leave you be on those days if you want me to"
"See, I don't want that though because if you don't egg it on or demand things out of me like you have been...you make me so happy and you always make my worst days better. You've always made me feel better and you've always made me smile again...."
"just, please teach me how.. I'm sorry if I mess things up like I did today, just please try to tell me right away before I make things get bad.."
"Okay, I will"
----
*sigh* Thank god. More days of that stuff and I would've broken down.
I'm glad, because the last few days have just been hectic and I've been missing being gushy and close with this crap coming between us..
Well, at least now I know.. Even though things get terribly hard, we'll get through it. We got through that (which was reaaally hard on me), and it was the first fight.. so I think we can get past anything.. Because we'll learn better how to stop them from happening and how to deal with it when it comes.
And we really don't want to fight.. So yeah.. We'll do our best to never, and there aren't many reasons to but when we just forget common sense and push things on each other at bad times.
Freaked me out there, Wess. I'm glad that's over... Phew.
About two days ago, Wess and I had our first fight..
I think we did a bit yesterday, or no.. I was being so very very careful and was afraid to say anything.
Today we fought a bit more. ...
----
You
Cannot
Help
My
Sleeping
Schedule
It
Is
OUT
Of
Your
Hands
would you please stop it?
And if it means THAT much to you that I get on one, I'll agree to the sleeping pills
fuck no
Yes because nothing else is going to work apparently because I always get side tracked and back onto a crap schedule
So yeah
stop. it.
The sleep thing will be taken care of
stop stop stop stop.
I'm not doing anything....my mom mentioned them to me weeks ago: "Maybe we should try sleep medication" "Yeah, I think so too"
stop talking like this.
What?
stop.
XD I'm not doing anything Tanya
you're treating me like I'm stupid.
.....
look at it, will you? you
are
talking
like
this
and
acting
like
I'm
a f
ucking
idiot
#1 - It is out of your hands
duh
#2 - I was going to go on the pills anyway
#3 - I am listening
I don't want you to
Too bad
'why should I? you're obviously wrong, I don't care what you think, your opinions don't matter, why the hell do you bother? What does it matter to you? So? You have to do this?' is this not something that hurts?
Out of all of that, the only ones I were trying to say were "Why should I?" "Why are you bothering with it?" not bluntly as you put it and "Why does it matter to you"
The rest...no
well the way you're talking to me, it's hurting me, whether you meant that or not
-Shakes head- Yeah, okay
I'm just not even going to say anything, I shouldn't even be typing this sentence...
Past two days, I type something and someone's pissed...
Lovely pattern
Sorry that I'm so FUBAR Tanya :)
what the fuck happened?
why are you suddenly defensive when I try to help, why am I hurt so easily, and why can't we work anything out without stupid shit like this happening?
Because this time the fight is between us, we're not consoleing each other for the pain other's have brought us
We're fighting for what we've said
I hate fighting..
I hate this..
----
But we finally figured out what we were both doing wrong, and stopped being so abrupt and explained..
So it's all okay now.. *sigh*
Scared me. T_T.
I think all couples have to fight at least once. Because, they have to test their boundaries, and figure out what to not do and why things go wrong sometimes, what mistakes they're making and how to balance everything. So, our first fights.
But now I know, and now he knows..
And I doubt we'll fight for quite a while, this was just a bad time. He was having a bad night and it made us fight, feeling lower than ever and what I said wasn't good to put on him at that time, though he wasn't making sense. The next days I was just kinda.. afraid of him. Afraid he'd blow up on me. Because I didn't know what was wrong and why things were going wrong..
It was especially scary for it to continue the next day.. Because I was thinking, oh shit. I don't want to lose him to this. Felt like maybe for some reason something snapped and he wouldn't be back the way he always was, and that I couldn't speak freely like I did before and that I'd always make things worse when he feels low..
"*hugs you* I'm sorry that I've let it come this far..
I just don't.. realize what I'm doing until you say it..
I'll trust you to work on it Wess.. I'll leave it alone, but I won't tip toe.. But I want you to ask me when you want anything, if you want help, please don't leave everything to yourself"
"-hugs back, holding you close- I love you okay...more than anyone or anything, no matter what you say or do, nothing will change that. Just do this differently, I want your help, I want you to be close, I don't want you to fear me because there's nothing to fear. I'm me, I'm still ME Tanya, I got mad once and I wouldn't of normally done it, it was just a mistake. -Nod- Okay, please keep it that way."
"-takes your hand- No fights, okay? The last couple of days I never want to repeat again, so I will work on everything as long as you do, -hugs-"
"okay.."
"We all have our bad days but notice that has only happened once? It's not like it happens constantly, like I said, it was a mistake because I had just had a bad day before that
If I'm feeling THAT bad again, which rarely ever happens, I will tell you if you want me to"
"okay.. as I said, jammed... and then I go and leave you be on those days if you want me to"
"See, I don't want that though because if you don't egg it on or demand things out of me like you have been...you make me so happy and you always make my worst days better. You've always made me feel better and you've always made me smile again...."
"just, please teach me how.. I'm sorry if I mess things up like I did today, just please try to tell me right away before I make things get bad.."
"Okay, I will"
----
*sigh* Thank god. More days of that stuff and I would've broken down.
I'm glad, because the last few days have just been hectic and I've been missing being gushy and close with this crap coming between us..
Well, at least now I know.. Even though things get terribly hard, we'll get through it. We got through that (which was reaaally hard on me), and it was the first fight.. so I think we can get past anything.. Because we'll learn better how to stop them from happening and how to deal with it when it comes.
And we really don't want to fight.. So yeah.. We'll do our best to never, and there aren't many reasons to but when we just forget common sense and push things on each other at bad times.
Freaked me out there, Wess. I'm glad that's over... Phew.
"But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more.. to be the man who walked 1,000 miles to fall down at your door.."
My boyfriend is going to walk more than 2,000 miles...
A six month trip, walking from South Carolina to California.. All strictly on foot.
All he'll have with him is what he can carry..
He's leaving this month or the next.....
He'll bring his cell phone, so I'm going to make him call me at least once a week..
If he dies I'll never forgive him.. Jeezus.
Walking alone for six months.. With the only possessions you bring being the ones you have on your back..... Walking down highways in all weather conditions, not being in a city and having to somehow eat...
Yeeah. I'll be sure to pound into his head that he has to stay alive and make sure I can trust him to stay with me.
He was so worried when his ex was going to go away for a month, thinking they might grow distant.. Think of how worried I am, with him gone six months!
So yeah.. When he leaves is pending.. I'll keep you updated on that.
A six month trip, walking from South Carolina to California.. All strictly on foot.
All he'll have with him is what he can carry..
He's leaving this month or the next.....
He'll bring his cell phone, so I'm going to make him call me at least once a week..
If he dies I'll never forgive him.. Jeezus.
Walking alone for six months.. With the only possessions you bring being the ones you have on your back..... Walking down highways in all weather conditions, not being in a city and having to somehow eat...
Yeeah. I'll be sure to pound into his head that he has to stay alive and make sure I can trust him to stay with me.
He was so worried when his ex was going to go away for a month, thinking they might grow distant.. Think of how worried I am, with him gone six months!
So yeah.. When he leaves is pending.. I'll keep you updated on that.
Life is a test.. a test of will, a test of strength, a test of love.
Nothing comes without effort.. Nothing is perfect, nothing is permanent..
I'm going to hang in there, best I can..
I love him. I love him more than anything.
Maybe that's why it hurts so much. Because when he hurts, I hurt, and I can't let myself let him feel the way he does about himself.. Yet just saying, hurts him.. So I have to fight both him and myself..
And I don't know what to do....
"all I want, all I want is to hold you.... instead I hold my breath.." (smitten, bree sharp)
"I’m standing in the push and shove
And I’m just within the rescue
Of the labour of your love
I can’t do anything but fall
A-fall, a-fall-fall-fall
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I’m the only survivor?
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?
One chance, one shot
That’s all anybody ever got
Newborn still warm
Naked in the rush hour
Dancing in my gutter
And if you want to find me
Call me, I’ll be far from
The cars and guitars and
Everybody
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I’m the only survivor?
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?
And I never knew before
But I feel like a child in a cold, cold war
So strong, so tough
Sitting in suburbia, waiting for the wind up
And I don’t want to dance
I just want to jump from the prison of circumstance
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I’m the only survivor?
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?"
(labour of love, frente)
"And you know.. That I dream of your love all around me. And you know, that my love for you is extraordinary.. And it seems, that all I want is to make you happy.... And I know, that all I need is to have you near me.." (Apiary, Yum Yum)
"Starry night.. I remember the wind blew right through me.. You looked into my eyes, and said you saw my soul. Paradise.. Is only sixteen miles away from you.. When you make up your mind, let me know because I'm ready to go.. Because I've lost control of this train- I was thinking.. Because I don't know where to go... But if the wheel of chance spun in my direction.. Well then I'd think I'd know." (Train of Thought, Yum Yum)
"Tears in your eyes, and you eyes looks so tired, and the tension is raising, higher and higher. And fear in your words, and your thoughts are conspired, to tear it apart, and watch it all fall down... Not wanting to hold you down.. just wanting to hold you now.. Not wanting to hold you down.. Just wanting to hold you now.... " (Uneasy, Yum Yum)
When I can't explain with my own words, I use someone else's.
I want to make you happy.. I want to work on it, but I don't want you to suffer through it. I don't want you to feel terrible about yourself and like you're a pain, I don't want you to get upset with me.. I just want us to be happy and be able to talk about your feelings without emotions overflowing and you fighting with me.. *sigh*...
I just wish I knew how..
Nothing comes without effort.. Nothing is perfect, nothing is permanent..
I'm going to hang in there, best I can..
I love him. I love him more than anything.
Maybe that's why it hurts so much. Because when he hurts, I hurt, and I can't let myself let him feel the way he does about himself.. Yet just saying, hurts him.. So I have to fight both him and myself..
And I don't know what to do....
"all I want, all I want is to hold you.... instead I hold my breath.." (smitten, bree sharp)
"I’m standing in the push and shove
And I’m just within the rescue
Of the labour of your love
I can’t do anything but fall
A-fall, a-fall-fall-fall
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I’m the only survivor?
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?
One chance, one shot
That’s all anybody ever got
Newborn still warm
Naked in the rush hour
Dancing in my gutter
And if you want to find me
Call me, I’ll be far from
The cars and guitars and
Everybody
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I’m the only survivor?
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?
And I never knew before
But I feel like a child in a cold, cold war
So strong, so tough
Sitting in suburbia, waiting for the wind up
And I don’t want to dance
I just want to jump from the prison of circumstance
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I’m the only survivor?
Why am I thinking of -
You and me and the labour of love?"
(labour of love, frente)
"And you know.. That I dream of your love all around me. And you know, that my love for you is extraordinary.. And it seems, that all I want is to make you happy.... And I know, that all I need is to have you near me.." (Apiary, Yum Yum)
"Starry night.. I remember the wind blew right through me.. You looked into my eyes, and said you saw my soul. Paradise.. Is only sixteen miles away from you.. When you make up your mind, let me know because I'm ready to go.. Because I've lost control of this train- I was thinking.. Because I don't know where to go... But if the wheel of chance spun in my direction.. Well then I'd think I'd know." (Train of Thought, Yum Yum)
"Tears in your eyes, and you eyes looks so tired, and the tension is raising, higher and higher. And fear in your words, and your thoughts are conspired, to tear it apart, and watch it all fall down... Not wanting to hold you down.. just wanting to hold you now.. Not wanting to hold you down.. Just wanting to hold you now.... " (Uneasy, Yum Yum)
When I can't explain with my own words, I use someone else's.
I want to make you happy.. I want to work on it, but I don't want you to suffer through it. I don't want you to feel terrible about yourself and like you're a pain, I don't want you to get upset with me.. I just want us to be happy and be able to talk about your feelings without emotions overflowing and you fighting with me.. *sigh*...
I just wish I knew how..
Scared
Scared scared scared scared...
.....
I'm afraid..... ...
How do I not... How do I not..?
How..?
I fear for you and myself..
I fear for me, because it hurts.
I fear for you, because you hurt.
Oh what can I do... What do I do.. I can't do nothing, I can't I can't I can't.
How do I not hurt you.. How do I not hurt myself..?
How do I get through this.. When just speaking of it.. Just getting through it.. Just mentioning is.. God.. Why can't I think.. Forgetting words again..
Just mentioning the whole thing is.. is... is........ is. what..?
voodoo.. no.. forbidden.. no.. heresy no.. "just to mention the name of the god was----" Blank. In culture.. When saying something is forbidden or completely not allowed, that saying it comes with consequences.. Damn my tired mind.
I don't want it to all fall apart. I don't want you to blow up on me when I'm trying to help. I don't want you to forget that I'm on your side, that I just want to help you. I want you to be happy..
I don't want this to ruin everything.
Because this is the only thing... The only thing that could mess it up.
I don't want you to go.. I don't want to go.. I'm afraid.
I'm afraid we won't be able to handle it, that I or you will break down and we will fall out of love. That you'll start to hate me, that I'll start to hate you, that things will go wrong.. That my stubbornness will make me hurt you.. And nothing hurts me as terribly as upsetting you.. Nothing at all..
I'm afraid to upset you for that reason. To give advice, to help you. To help you through this, to help you achieve goals, fix flaws, without taking it personally..... I want to tell you it doesn't matter without you shouting to me, I'm wrong, 'it does matter, I have to deal with it every day, whenever I look in the mirror, whenever I wake up-'....
I want to be able to speak to you...
I want to be able to not hold my tongue, to be able to tell you what I honestly feel..
To know, that you'll listen..
That you won't block me out and break down.. That you won't remember, that you won't feel like that..
God I'm fucking scared..
.....
I'm afraid..... ...
How do I not... How do I not..?
How..?
I fear for you and myself..
I fear for me, because it hurts.
I fear for you, because you hurt.
Oh what can I do... What do I do.. I can't do nothing, I can't I can't I can't.
How do I not hurt you.. How do I not hurt myself..?
How do I get through this.. When just speaking of it.. Just getting through it.. Just mentioning is.. God.. Why can't I think.. Forgetting words again..
Just mentioning the whole thing is.. is... is........ is. what..?
voodoo.. no.. forbidden.. no.. heresy no.. "just to mention the name of the god was----" Blank. In culture.. When saying something is forbidden or completely not allowed, that saying it comes with consequences.. Damn my tired mind.
I don't want it to all fall apart. I don't want you to blow up on me when I'm trying to help. I don't want you to forget that I'm on your side, that I just want to help you. I want you to be happy..
I don't want this to ruin everything.
Because this is the only thing... The only thing that could mess it up.
I don't want you to go.. I don't want to go.. I'm afraid.
I'm afraid we won't be able to handle it, that I or you will break down and we will fall out of love. That you'll start to hate me, that I'll start to hate you, that things will go wrong.. That my stubbornness will make me hurt you.. And nothing hurts me as terribly as upsetting you.. Nothing at all..
I'm afraid to upset you for that reason. To give advice, to help you. To help you through this, to help you achieve goals, fix flaws, without taking it personally..... I want to tell you it doesn't matter without you shouting to me, I'm wrong, 'it does matter, I have to deal with it every day, whenever I look in the mirror, whenever I wake up-'....
I want to be able to speak to you...
I want to be able to not hold my tongue, to be able to tell you what I honestly feel..
To know, that you'll listen..
That you won't block me out and break down.. That you won't remember, that you won't feel like that..
God I'm fucking scared..
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Just a little Crappy Poetry.
*whistles*
Sugar sweet
warm heart beat
to fill the coldest days
with a smile
and for a while
my head goes in a daze
I think of you,
I know you do too
and what can I say..
Since the day I met you
I've never felt the same..
Funny how easy,
those words came from your mouth
and I can't believe
I'm no longer by myself
You came my way
and since that day
I've worn a warm smile
for the little things you do
that make my life worth-while
And despite the distant
and the worries you might have
soon we'll be smiling,
together hand in hand..
And know you're who I'm missin'
when you are away..
and it always make me laugh
when eyes alone make you stay..
I can't wait to laugh
when we cross paths
all jitter and shaky hands
but we'll both be smiling,
because we understand..
We're the same,
and how you came..
serendipity at its best..
after what was done and said
I knew that it would last
Know that when I sleep
we're underneath our tree
when I close my eyes
you're here with me
And nothing more I ever wished
than what came, a surprise
laughs and many smiles
and this pair of kindred loving eyes..
Laa la laa..
Sugar sweet
warm heart beat
to fill the coldest days
with a smile
and for a while
my head goes in a daze
I think of you,
I know you do too
and what can I say..
Since the day I met you
I've never felt the same..
Funny how easy,
those words came from your mouth
and I can't believe
I'm no longer by myself
You came my way
and since that day
I've worn a warm smile
for the little things you do
that make my life worth-while
And despite the distant
and the worries you might have
soon we'll be smiling,
together hand in hand..
And know you're who I'm missin'
when you are away..
and it always make me laugh
when eyes alone make you stay..
I can't wait to laugh
when we cross paths
all jitter and shaky hands
but we'll both be smiling,
because we understand..
We're the same,
and how you came..
serendipity at its best..
after what was done and said
I knew that it would last
Know that when I sleep
we're underneath our tree
when I close my eyes
you're here with me
And nothing more I ever wished
than what came, a surprise
laughs and many smiles
and this pair of kindred loving eyes..
Laa la laa..
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Aww Sheet
Staying up this late makes me depressed o___o... Crap.
Looking at pictures of... *cough* *cough* (sorry) other people's exes also does.
Smart move Tanya, smart move.
Anyway..
Ummm.........
Oh yeah. I'm afraid to go to bed because they'll hear my footsteps and know I stayed up this late.
*sigh*
Jeezus my eyes.
I wish I had perfect skin >__>
That's always been a large annoyance of mine. It fluctuates. Most days it seems bad and some days it's okay but it's never good. It's like I'm trapped in the teen acne stage forever.. Or at least clogged pores and evil evil evil evilness. >__< I really wish I had perfect skin. If I did I wouldn't be self-conscious, look-wise.
Looks aside...
Are you suuure you're glad to have me? There's no lingering warmth of a hand as reminder, just words that warm heart and fade, needing renewal. I just don't see what it is about me that's much good, really.. Slightly crazy but kinda annoying. I see myself as a fine friend but not as lovable. I'm extremely moody and insecure, not all that interesting, too clingy and have this shitty need for attention. Really unsure and hesitant, withdrawn, afraid to try new things. I don't see all that much good that I do so I question, why, exactly, I mean so much to you? Hm.
Night time really does make you paranoid, haha. Sleepy time before I get all angsty or something weird.
Looking at pictures of... *cough* *cough* (sorry) other people's exes also does.
Smart move Tanya, smart move.
Anyway..
Ummm.........
Oh yeah. I'm afraid to go to bed because they'll hear my footsteps and know I stayed up this late.
*sigh*
Jeezus my eyes.
I wish I had perfect skin >__>
That's always been a large annoyance of mine. It fluctuates. Most days it seems bad and some days it's okay but it's never good. It's like I'm trapped in the teen acne stage forever.. Or at least clogged pores and evil evil evil evilness. >__< I really wish I had perfect skin. If I did I wouldn't be self-conscious, look-wise.
Looks aside...
Are you suuure you're glad to have me? There's no lingering warmth of a hand as reminder, just words that warm heart and fade, needing renewal. I just don't see what it is about me that's much good, really.. Slightly crazy but kinda annoying. I see myself as a fine friend but not as lovable. I'm extremely moody and insecure, not all that interesting, too clingy and have this shitty need for attention. Really unsure and hesitant, withdrawn, afraid to try new things. I don't see all that much good that I do so I question, why, exactly, I mean so much to you? Hm.
Night time really does make you paranoid, haha. Sleepy time before I get all angsty or something weird.
How You Life Your Life |
 You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable. |
Your Inner Child Is Sad |
 You're a very sensitive soul. You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have. Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone. You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time. |
Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male |
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve |
A f-cking insane conversation of my bf~<3 and I
Sometimes I get into a mood to be.... not myself. Lose any sense and don't care, I just act retarded. Oh yayyy, a boyfriend I can be fully retarded with <3. *giggles to self* Mmhm.
Webcam.. possesses.. meeee..
First I had a huge box of chocolates.. And there was a big bow on it. I took the bow, put it on my head. Then I randomly say
"I ammm your giiift.. Use me well *has no idea*"
"Okay, I won't put you on the shelf and let you collect dust"
"You sure as hell won't" I smooch the camera.
Then I randomly hold the bow in my mouth (large bow that covers my nose and goes to my chin). And things get more retarded with every passing minute. ^__^
"The bow, it's kissing you"
"Now...hand over whatever you're on, I'd like some :D"
"is me biting a bow sexyy? XD"
"Maybe in some weird present fetish way it is but yes, no" I balance the chocolate box on my head
"-Throws pennies at it, trying to knock it over-" I put down the box and go to chewing on the ribbon that has the label on the end of it.
"Lemme guess.... There's crack on the ribbon"
"Haha *sucks on the ribbon*"
"I KNEW IT!"
"Yuuuuum.. ^__^ No."
"Tanya....the queen of drugs"
"*thinks of something perverse to say*”
"-Rolls eyes-"
"*sucks on ribbon in consolation of self*"
"You look like a dog who just found something in the yard and we said: "No, bad dog, put it back!" "
"haha and the perverse thing was----- not so perverse but perverse enough.. nooo I am not sucking on a ribbon because it's crack, I'm pretending it's you"
"You know what.... -randomly texts that sentence to Zach-"
"you're evil XD"
"-Says as he texts with his finger- "I am not sucking on a ribbon because it's crack, I'm pretending it's you" "
"I provide you with all retardedness to last you for years"
"-Chains you to the wall and uses you for retarded material- BUWAHAHA"
" *goes wtf at self* I guess because I can't make a fool of myself at any time I enjoy doing it now.."
"You know what? I still love you, even if you're insane :D"
"if you say so" I put the ribbon on my head and it stands like a sort of crown halo
"yess.. that is whyyy.. I have womenly urges to crack you up"
" You should wear that on your head and going around demanding taxes... "I AM THE QUEEN OF SEATTLE -as she points at a random person- you must PAY TO BREATH" "But I have children to feed..." "BREATHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD".. Womenly urges to crack me up? The %^#%$? XD"
"XDD" I make faces
"-Tilts head- Uh-huh..."
"told you I don't make you laugh"
"I've been laughing over here, wtf are you talking about baka?"
"you didn't go 'haha' you went like, 'uhuh, whatever, you're fucking crazy', HEART IS BROKEN!"
"WELL DUUUUUUUUH But I was laughing.. When I say I'm laughing and you're like "oh suuuuure" sounds like me was saying you'd think I would know how to deal with myself by now USE YOUR HEARD BOI, MR. ALMIGHTY PUT IT THERE FOR A REASON NOT JUST TO BALANCE THINGS ON"
"*bows down, kisses feet* sorry my almighty master T__T"
"efsdjksdhlfs WRONG ALMIGHTY"
"you ARE MY GOD"
"I'm God's retarded twin brother Wessssssssy, the one they keep locked in the basement"
"whom I have affairs that are not affairs with"
"Doesn't make sense but OKAY"
"affairs are cheating but I'm not cheating”
"-Quietly steps away from the madness- Like I said... Hotel.. Lots of security. And a moat is looking good right about now"
"but I will get you and cover you in kisses before they can stop me with tasers, BWAHHHAHAHHA!"
"-Quickly loads shotgun- UH-HUH"
"NOTHING CAN STOP ME, I'M FUCKING IN LOOOVE!"
"-Loads faster, faster-"
"*talks like in the movies* Do you really think you can shoot me Wess? The only girl you truly love? Can you pull that trigger?"
"Um...Romeo oh Romeo, where art thou Romeo...?"
"you're not Juliette dumbass XD"
"BUT I WANT TO FEEL PRETTY"
"WELL YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL TO ME WESS! I'LL LET YOU BE MY JULIETTE ANY TIME!"
"-Smiles proudly, patting his chest with his thumb- I'm the woman in our relationship"
"I shall protect you! *wraps arms around you cheerfully and tries to pick you up*"
"With your massive taxes and crack addiction?"
"with my muscles!"
"The day you can lift me.... is the day Hitler is found "innocent" "
"how the hell can I sweep you off your feet, woman of this relationship? "
"-Cuts his -scratches out- "her" limbs off- THERE I SHOULD WEIGH LESS NOW!"
"maybe I'll lift you for a sec and we can both fall to the ground and then I fall on top of you all sexy like o__o"
"See....aren't we so good together? Acting like a couple of effing insane escaped hippies..."
"you bring out the pervert in me, baby"
"I don't even do anything XD"
"you're there.. I see therefore I pervert"
"The hell"
"I loooooove you XD sorry but you're screwed to follow me to the padded room to make out with me"
"HA! Yeah, I love you too....psycho"
"you're screwed to be with me XD hahhahahhahhah! all the possiblities.."
"-Is scared-”
"you're screwed to be with me until I drive you insane and you break up with me and I stalk you until you die"
"That would be an interesting outcome"
"I see it as highly possible "
"Well you're retarded"
"lol, I know, but, I think that's not retarded"
"Well it's not going to happen so it is retarded"
"I don't get how you can stand the total retardness o__o"
"Jesus Shishkabob woman....-points up- did you not SEEEE the conversation we just had?!"
"umm.. I guess not?"
"I act just as retarded as you, so of course I "can stand" it"
"what if we're walking along in a park and I randomly decide to tackle you?"
"Then I'll be like "RAPE!!! RAPE!!!! GYARR!" "
"nuuu :P they'd believe it XD just put on your gay voice 'oh god! I don't want her! get her off!!'"
"-Says in gay voice- "zomg who is this female pouncing me like a tiger -growl-""
"what if I decide to pounce on you and pin you down and kiss you? o__o"
" :D Theeeeen, I will submit!"
"what if we're in public? XD"
"Then as you're kissing me I will raises my arms in the air and give two big thumbs up"
"hahhahaha XDD"
" "JACKPOOOOT!" "
"that's too funny to picture XD"
I make a freaky face
"GET THE GUN HERALD, ITS LOOSE AGAIN!"
"IT'S A FUCKING FULL MOON!"
"-Gay voice- Rawwwwr"
"satan is probably hearing that thinking.. wow." (referring to his ex-uncle)
"It's almost 3am, Satan is sleeping"
"satan is kept awake by your feminine and beautiful gay voice <3"
"XD"
We talk more, randomly.
"you have thoughts, you know inside.. you are a perv..... <3"
"Well yeah but I don't express them like you do "
"I blame the chocolate."
"Hah, looks like ze hormones have taken over "
"yup XD"
"-the tips of his fingers graze over your cheek, pushing through your hair over your ear and down onto the side of your neck---P.S- -laughs at the wink- -"
And then suddenly out of the blue we get all romantic.
Can somebody say, what the f-ck?
Just another thing I love about him <3
I can be more retarded than I ever have been in my life with him.... And it's so-much-fun...!
I'm really giddy right now, forgive me. XD
Webcam.. possesses.. meeee..
First I had a huge box of chocolates.. And there was a big bow on it. I took the bow, put it on my head. Then I randomly say
"I ammm your giiift.. Use me well *has no idea*"
"Okay, I won't put you on the shelf and let you collect dust"
"You sure as hell won't" I smooch the camera.
Then I randomly hold the bow in my mouth (large bow that covers my nose and goes to my chin). And things get more retarded with every passing minute. ^__^
"The bow, it's kissing you"
"Now...hand over whatever you're on, I'd like some :D"
"is me biting a bow sexyy? XD"
"Maybe in some weird present fetish way it is but yes, no" I balance the chocolate box on my head
"-Throws pennies at it, trying to knock it over-" I put down the box and go to chewing on the ribbon that has the label on the end of it.
"Lemme guess.... There's crack on the ribbon"
"Haha *sucks on the ribbon*"
"I KNEW IT!"
"Yuuuuum.. ^__^ No."
"Tanya....the queen of drugs"
"*thinks of something perverse to say*”
"-Rolls eyes-"
"*sucks on ribbon in consolation of self*"
"You look like a dog who just found something in the yard and we said: "No, bad dog, put it back!" "
"haha and the perverse thing was----- not so perverse but perverse enough.. nooo I am not sucking on a ribbon because it's crack, I'm pretending it's you"
"You know what.... -randomly texts that sentence to Zach-"
"you're evil XD"
"-Says as he texts with his finger- "I am not sucking on a ribbon because it's crack, I'm pretending it's you" "
"I provide you with all retardedness to last you for years"
"-Chains you to the wall and uses you for retarded material- BUWAHAHA"
" *goes wtf at self* I guess because I can't make a fool of myself at any time I enjoy doing it now.."
"You know what? I still love you, even if you're insane :D"
"if you say so" I put the ribbon on my head and it stands like a sort of crown halo
"yess.. that is whyyy.. I have womenly urges to crack you up"
" You should wear that on your head and going around demanding taxes... "I AM THE QUEEN OF SEATTLE -as she points at a random person- you must PAY TO BREATH" "But I have children to feed..." "BREATHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD".. Womenly urges to crack me up? The %^#%$? XD"
"XDD" I make faces
"-Tilts head- Uh-huh..."
"told you I don't make you laugh"
"I've been laughing over here, wtf are you talking about baka?"
"you didn't go 'haha' you went like, 'uhuh, whatever, you're fucking crazy', HEART IS BROKEN!"
"WELL DUUUUUUUUH But I was laughing.. When I say I'm laughing and you're like "oh suuuuure" sounds like me was saying you'd think I would know how to deal with myself by now USE YOUR HEARD BOI, MR. ALMIGHTY PUT IT THERE FOR A REASON NOT JUST TO BALANCE THINGS ON"
"*bows down, kisses feet* sorry my almighty master T__T"
"efsdjksdhlfs WRONG ALMIGHTY"
"you ARE MY GOD"
"I'm God's retarded twin brother Wessssssssy, the one they keep locked in the basement"
"whom I have affairs that are not affairs with"
"Doesn't make sense but OKAY"
"affairs are cheating but I'm not cheating”
"-Quietly steps away from the madness- Like I said... Hotel.. Lots of security. And a moat is looking good right about now"
"but I will get you and cover you in kisses before they can stop me with tasers, BWAHHHAHAHHA!"
"-Quickly loads shotgun- UH-HUH"
"NOTHING CAN STOP ME, I'M FUCKING IN LOOOVE!"
"-Loads faster, faster-"
"*talks like in the movies* Do you really think you can shoot me Wess? The only girl you truly love? Can you pull that trigger?"
"Um...Romeo oh Romeo, where art thou Romeo...?"
"you're not Juliette dumbass XD"
"BUT I WANT TO FEEL PRETTY"
"WELL YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL TO ME WESS! I'LL LET YOU BE MY JULIETTE ANY TIME!"
"-Smiles proudly, patting his chest with his thumb- I'm the woman in our relationship"
"I shall protect you! *wraps arms around you cheerfully and tries to pick you up*"
"With your massive taxes and crack addiction?"
"with my muscles!"
"The day you can lift me.... is the day Hitler is found "innocent" "
"how the hell can I sweep you off your feet, woman of this relationship? "
"-Cuts his -scratches out- "her" limbs off- THERE I SHOULD WEIGH LESS NOW!"
"maybe I'll lift you for a sec and we can both fall to the ground and then I fall on top of you all sexy like o__o"
"See....aren't we so good together? Acting like a couple of effing insane escaped hippies..."
"you bring out the pervert in me, baby"
"I don't even do anything XD"
"you're there.. I see therefore I pervert"
"The hell"
"I loooooove you XD sorry but you're screwed to follow me to the padded room to make out with me"
"HA! Yeah, I love you too....psycho"
"you're screwed to be with me XD hahhahahhahhah! all the possiblities.."
"-Is scared-”
"you're screwed to be with me until I drive you insane and you break up with me and I stalk you until you die"
"That would be an interesting outcome"
"I see it as highly possible "
"Well you're retarded"
"lol, I know, but, I think that's not retarded"
"Well it's not going to happen so it is retarded"
"I don't get how you can stand the total retardness o__o"
"Jesus Shishkabob woman....-points up- did you not SEEEE the conversation we just had?!"
"umm.. I guess not?"
"I act just as retarded as you, so of course I "can stand" it"
"what if we're walking along in a park and I randomly decide to tackle you?"
"Then I'll be like "RAPE!!! RAPE!!!! GYARR!" "
"nuuu :P they'd believe it XD just put on your gay voice 'oh god! I don't want her! get her off!!'"
"-Says in gay voice- "zomg who is this female pouncing me like a tiger -growl-""
"what if I decide to pounce on you and pin you down and kiss you? o__o"
" :D Theeeeen, I will submit!"
"what if we're in public? XD"
"Then as you're kissing me I will raises my arms in the air and give two big thumbs up"
"hahhahaha XDD"
" "JACKPOOOOT!" "
"that's too funny to picture XD"
I make a freaky face
"GET THE GUN HERALD, ITS LOOSE AGAIN!"
"IT'S A FUCKING FULL MOON!"
"-Gay voice- Rawwwwr"
"satan is probably hearing that thinking.. wow." (referring to his ex-uncle)
"It's almost 3am, Satan is sleeping"
"satan is kept awake by your feminine and beautiful gay voice <3"
"XD"
We talk more, randomly.
"you have thoughts, you know inside.. you are a perv..... <3"
"Well yeah but I don't express them like you do "
"I blame the chocolate."
"Hah, looks like ze hormones have taken over "
"yup XD"
"-the tips of his fingers graze over your cheek, pushing through your hair over your ear and down onto the side of your neck---P.S- -laughs at the wink- -"
And then suddenly out of the blue we get all romantic.
Can somebody say, what the f-ck?
Just another thing I love about him <3
I can be more retarded than I ever have been in my life with him.... And it's so-much-fun...!
I'm really giddy right now, forgive me. XD
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Nothing's Really Happening!
Been a while. Need a life update?
For xmas (a disappointment, but ended up ookay..).. I got a new rug (pretty) to replace my ugly grey carpet. So yesterday or the day before we managed to remove the carpet out from everything and put the new one in. Yesterday I emptied out my closet and most of the rest of my room and I'm going to start over...
I was wondering where my knife was, now I know. It was in a shoebox with rolls of poetry (not my own).
Yesterday while my mom was sleeping and dad was playing video games, I randomly started taking down the tree.. Got the ornament box, took off nearly all the ornaments, took off the um.. string of colorful beads that goes around the tree.. yeeah.. (which was tied to branches, a pain).. And started taking off branches.. (fake tree, at least it looks real.....)
Mom and dad went out and bought a whole ton of plastic containers so I can organize all my stuff and store stuff in the basement....
Wess was having memory issues (remembering/lingering on bad stuff) last night, scared the shit out of me by suddenly leaving saying he was gunna go cry himself to sleep. I was just like, noooooo! >__< Because I couldn't do anything, as it was 1 AM his time I couldn't call, he was offline so I couldn't comfort him, reallllllly bothered me.
Apparently he's better now, left me a message, but he's not here and I wish he was because I miss him terribly, last three days we haven't had a lot of time to talk.....
*sigh*
Anyway, I'm babysitting a kitty cat so I'll be earning money, yaay. *yawn* Speaking of that, I should go do that huh... Yeeah.
For xmas (a disappointment, but ended up ookay..).. I got a new rug (pretty) to replace my ugly grey carpet. So yesterday or the day before we managed to remove the carpet out from everything and put the new one in. Yesterday I emptied out my closet and most of the rest of my room and I'm going to start over...
I was wondering where my knife was, now I know. It was in a shoebox with rolls of poetry (not my own).
Yesterday while my mom was sleeping and dad was playing video games, I randomly started taking down the tree.. Got the ornament box, took off nearly all the ornaments, took off the um.. string of colorful beads that goes around the tree.. yeeah.. (which was tied to branches, a pain).. And started taking off branches.. (fake tree, at least it looks real.....)
Mom and dad went out and bought a whole ton of plastic containers so I can organize all my stuff and store stuff in the basement....
Wess was having memory issues (remembering/lingering on bad stuff) last night, scared the shit out of me by suddenly leaving saying he was gunna go cry himself to sleep. I was just like, noooooo! >__< Because I couldn't do anything, as it was 1 AM his time I couldn't call, he was offline so I couldn't comfort him, reallllllly bothered me.
Apparently he's better now, left me a message, but he's not here and I wish he was because I miss him terribly, last three days we haven't had a lot of time to talk.....
*sigh*
Anyway, I'm babysitting a kitty cat so I'll be earning money, yaay. *yawn* Speaking of that, I should go do that huh... Yeeah.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Told You Sooo
I sent Wess (bf) a locket, and a stuffed animal, and a -- oh yeah, can't say the rest. And a bunch of cool crap. But of those things the locket and stuffed animal were.. queestionable. Mainly because, one, my family was convinced on telling me that-
"he won't wear it" or "he may like it but he won't wear it" or "it's a little.. cheesy" or "it's too girly".. etc.
And a stuffed animal? Guys are.. Guys. They usually don't like that stuff.. Well, if they like it they'll deny it or they'll keep it but not enjoy it.... Anyway.. So, Wess got his package today. I was surprised when I checked my email..
He emailed me with pictures of him, one with Dobby's twin on his head (and visibly my locket around his neck) and one with him hugging it, and I was like, awwwwww..
He also left me a message on IM saying this:
I got your package. I opened it and only saw the gifts that weren't wrapped. Oh and to answer your question: "Is it too cheesy?" put it this way, I'm wearing it right now and i won't ever take it off. I haven't opened the other "questionable" gift but I saw the name of the book through the wrapping XD interesting -pokes your forehead- Oh yes, the Dobby thing made me cry, not balling with tears but my eyes swelled up. You have no idea how much Doggie meant to me, he was family to this family, he meant everything to us and that is honestly the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me Tanya, it means the world to me. I'll hold onto this thing as if it were another Doggie, even if "this blessing" (as you put it in the card, which I also LOVED by the way haha) doesn't last and things go back to a friendship, I will hang onto this locket and this dog forever. Haven't seen the rest of the stuff though, except the pictures. I'm going to spoil you rotten on your birthday (although I hope me coming out and spending a week or so with you and doing stuff with you will make up for it lol) because you got me...so much XD Thank you for all of what I have seen and I can't wait to open the rest tomorrow morning I love you Tanya, from the bottom of my heart -kisses your lips softly- thank you for being so good to me, I will never leave your side.
---
Awww... <3 haha.
I was also talking to him today.. -
I'm not just being nice either, pinky promise, especially the dog, i wanted to cry ^____^ Even my mom was like: "omg....awwwwwwww!!!!!" and Reggie was like: "Dude, sexy necklace" "Tis a locket" "Oh? Open it" "-I open it-" "How CUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!1111" But yes -hugsssssss- thank you and I'm sure I'll be thanking you more tomorrow XD
Most guys would be like.. 'wtf.. stuffed animal?' and would keep the locket but hide it when they wear it or just not wear it at all, so you rule o__o
When I finished going through the stuff I turned to my mom and said: "Looks like I'll be going to Seattle for her birthday" "Ohhh yeah, you'll be kissing butt for years dear " That's dumb...I don't mind if people see me wearing a locket from my gf out of all people and I carried Doggie around EVERYWHERE, so like I care
you are like, perfect XD <33
Blush- Noooooo, I'm just toasty :D (wtf, random?)
even at 16 you carried it around? .. doggie
I've carried that thing around since I was 1. Okay, example, Freshman year finals: Carried him in my backpack and had his head hanging out
omg <3 I do that on vacation
Then EVERY SINGLE TIME we went to Disneyland I would bring him and toss him on my head
and I would carry it on my shoulder when we were camping.. now we can match and do that o__o
Haha, aw
fucking cuute XD especially in person, in seattle, haha
I know o___O we have the same stuffed animal!
we can hold hands and in the other hand both be holding the paw of our doggies XDDDD
lol XD Yes, totally. We must do that
yes. and yes you are perfect :P
Shhhh, nuuuuu -puts a candy cane in your mouth-
------
He is adoooorableee.. Absolutely adorable. I loooooove you Wess..! <3 Haha.
"he won't wear it" or "he may like it but he won't wear it" or "it's a little.. cheesy" or "it's too girly".. etc.
And a stuffed animal? Guys are.. Guys. They usually don't like that stuff.. Well, if they like it they'll deny it or they'll keep it but not enjoy it.... Anyway.. So, Wess got his package today. I was surprised when I checked my email..
He emailed me with pictures of him, one with Dobby's twin on his head (and visibly my locket around his neck) and one with him hugging it, and I was like, awwwwww..
He also left me a message on IM saying this:
I got your package. I opened it and only saw the gifts that weren't wrapped. Oh and to answer your question: "Is it too cheesy?" put it this way, I'm wearing it right now and i won't ever take it off. I haven't opened the other "questionable" gift but I saw the name of the book through the wrapping XD interesting -pokes your forehead- Oh yes, the Dobby thing made me cry, not balling with tears but my eyes swelled up. You have no idea how much Doggie meant to me, he was family to this family, he meant everything to us and that is honestly the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me Tanya, it means the world to me. I'll hold onto this thing as if it were another Doggie, even if "this blessing" (as you put it in the card, which I also LOVED by the way haha) doesn't last and things go back to a friendship, I will hang onto this locket and this dog forever. Haven't seen the rest of the stuff though, except the pictures. I'm going to spoil you rotten on your birthday (although I hope me coming out and spending a week or so with you and doing stuff with you will make up for it lol) because you got me...so much XD Thank you for all of what I have seen and I can't wait to open the rest tomorrow morning I love you Tanya, from the bottom of my heart -kisses your lips softly- thank you for being so good to me, I will never leave your side.
---
Awww... <3 haha.
I was also talking to him today.. -
I'm not just being nice either, pinky promise, especially the dog, i wanted to cry ^____^ Even my mom was like: "omg....awwwwwwww!!!!!" and Reggie was like: "Dude, sexy necklace" "Tis a locket" "Oh? Open it" "-I open it-" "How CUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!1111" But yes -hugsssssss- thank you and I'm sure I'll be thanking you more tomorrow XD
Most guys would be like.. 'wtf.. stuffed animal?' and would keep the locket but hide it when they wear it or just not wear it at all, so you rule o__o
When I finished going through the stuff I turned to my mom and said: "Looks like I'll be going to Seattle for her birthday" "Ohhh yeah, you'll be kissing butt for years dear " That's dumb...I don't mind if people see me wearing a locket from my gf out of all people and I carried Doggie around EVERYWHERE, so like I care
you are like, perfect XD <33
Blush- Noooooo, I'm just toasty :D (wtf, random?)
even at 16 you carried it around? .. doggie
I've carried that thing around since I was 1. Okay, example, Freshman year finals: Carried him in my backpack and had his head hanging out
omg <3 I do that on vacation
Then EVERY SINGLE TIME we went to Disneyland I would bring him and toss him on my head
and I would carry it on my shoulder when we were camping.. now we can match and do that o__o
Haha, aw
fucking cuute XD especially in person, in seattle, haha
I know o___O we have the same stuffed animal!
we can hold hands and in the other hand both be holding the paw of our doggies XDDDD
lol XD Yes, totally. We must do that
yes. and yes you are perfect :P
Shhhh, nuuuuu -puts a candy cane in your mouth-
------
He is adoooorableee.. Absolutely adorable. I loooooove you Wess..! <3 Haha.
Morning..
*yawn*...
I'll be practicing guitar all day, or as long as I can stand it.
Mom forgot to cancel my lesson today, Christmas Eve, but I guess it's fine so I'll go with it. But I wanna have more chords memorized and practice singing Halah and all that.. Also the new song I learned.
I'll practice at least two hours today.
Catch you guys later, happy holidays..
I'll be practicing guitar all day, or as long as I can stand it.
Mom forgot to cancel my lesson today, Christmas Eve, but I guess it's fine so I'll go with it. But I wanna have more chords memorized and practice singing Halah and all that.. Also the new song I learned.
I'll practice at least two hours today.
Catch you guys later, happy holidays..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)